I was leaving the gym on Tuesday when good friend and fan of Clips To Whack Off To, Darrien suggested this video to me. Knowing my friend doesn’t just jerk off to any old thing, I knew I had to give it a view.
Side Note: If you’re wondering how Darrien and I became friends, we met at a Halloween party. He was dressed as Jim Stark, James Dean’s character from Rebel Without A Cause and I was dressed as Plato, Sal Mineo’s character in the same film.
Realizing how great this occurrence was, I pulled him into the nearest room and had him fuck me in the ass as he called me his “Little Hot Porsche”. Within 45 seconds, similar to James Dean going too fast in a Porsche, Darrien crashed and burned.
We then went into an alleyway nearby and reenacted the final night of Sal Mineo’s life where I gave him twenty bucks to blow me and he stabbed me, leaving me for dead.
If your grandmother sees this, my bad Darrien.
Darrien’s grandmother if you’re reading this, call me. No matter how much my jaw hurts I’ll keep working towards the center of your Tootsie Pop.
Alright onto this video.
This clips begins with what I love most in porn, shitty acting so bad these women wouldn’t make it onto a daytime soap opera. Generic country music plays as a girl in overalls and smoking is pretending to check her oil, somewhat confused on how to since it’s obvious she’s never done this once. The other comes around and starts mumbling about how Overalls needs to stop bullying her sister.
The dialogue is very Tommy Wiseau and if this couldn’t get any better, the camera zooms in on Overalls as the music gets dark and serious. Overalls walks away and the camera zooms in on the engine of the truck. The fuck is this director doing? You’re shooting a girl soon to be fucking another girl with a strap on, not The Young and The Restless.
But this is what I love to see most in porn. Nothing thrills me like a girl who only watches Pretty Little Liars and has to show her single strip of pubic hair to be allowed in front of a camera attempting to act. It’s similar to the thrill one feels when they’re about to watch a bully being pummeled by a kid they teased. The crushing agony of failure is a thrill to watch.
They go into the living room, Overalls strips down and reveals she’s wearing a strap on. Like every other porno the first half is rape and then the victim begins to like it and of course like every other porno, the pornstars are grunting and gritting their teeth like Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet.
UGH YOU FUCK! YOU FUCKING FUCK!! UGHHH UGHHHH UGHHHHHHH. Seriously after watching Blue Velvet I can’t help but notice how most porn features their performers acting like Dennis Hopper raping Isabella Rossellini.
Overall a great clip to whack off to if you like girls who keep their shoes and socks on during sex, strap on lesbo action and acting so terrible these girls couldn’t nail an audition for La Fan.