Earlier today right in the middle on Sunset Boulevard there was a public auction for strap-on dildos used on the set of Deadpool. All proceeds would be going to fund cancer research and it’s the best use of selling a sex toy since Johnny Sins sold a used fleshlight to a sperm bank.
Not only were film used strap-ons auctioned off, but in one of the most bizarre public stunts in recent history, Ryan Reynolds showed up to the auction wearing nothing but a Deadpool mask and proceeded to be fucked in the ass multiple times by some of Hollywood’s greatest icons.
Sidney Poitier strapped up with a dildo that had To Sir, With Love written on the side. Reynolds cried out Poitier’s name as the icon thrusted away, to which Poitier responded by slapping him and saying “they call me Mister Tibbs!” After he was through, Poitier grabbed another strap-on and cried out, “Let’s do it again!”
101 year old Olivia de Havilland was wheeled up onto the stage with a strap-on that resembled one of Robin Hood’s arrows. She entered Ryan Reynolds’s snake pit and upon the first thrust, Reynolds cried out in pain to which de Havilland told her sweet little Charlotte to hush hush.
Olivia de Havilland wasn’t the only 101 year old icon in attendance. The great Kirk Douglas grabbed a strap-on and took a path of glory 20,000 leagues under the brown sea. I think it’s safe to say Ryan Reynolds certainly had an ace in his hole.
Millions of dollars was raised at the charity auction today and for the most part people are happy and only slightly disturbed from this moment in history. It seems very likely that cancer is going to be a disease of the past. Who knew it’d take multiple celebrities, some older than a century participating in a live sex act to end it?
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