Wasn’t one of Doug’s personas an Indiana Jones knockoff named Race Canyon? I’m asking this like I don’t watch Doug’s Halloween Adventure 10 times a year where his Halloween costume is Race Canyon. Btw, Doug’s Halloween Adventure, one of the all-time great Halloween episodes. If you don’t agree with me, I’ll fight you to the death in a Spirit Halloween.
So they’re making a new Indiana Jones film? Every dope who says “why doesn’t Hollywood come up with any original ideas” is already lining up. It’s in talks to be directed by the Ford v Ferrari guy. The movie sponsored by erectile dysfunction.
I saw that in theaters because I was that bored and they put it in one of the smaller rooms. I’m still pissed at Cinemark for that. This isn’t a TCM or Jesus movie that six elderly people are leaving the house for. It’s a stale ass bio-pic, everybody who’s white and middle aged is seeing this. They had to keep the door propped open because the aroma of oil splattered Wrangler jeans was so strong.
Harrison Ford is turning 78 in July and we’re seriously talking about one last hurrah? Is he even aware he’s playing Indiana Jones again or at they dressing him up and putting him on strings? I’m imagining a scenario like the last few Bob Hope holiday specials where that corpse of a man was on a stage mumbling “I’m Jack Frost!”
If I had to predict what my favorite scene will be in this new installment it’s Indy strangling a Nazi with his catheter.
Here’s my idea for what they should do with this installment. Indiana Jones is stronger and faster than ever. He’s punching Nazis so hard they’re decapitated like a Rock Em Sock Em robot. Then when there’s 10 minutes left, you reveal it’s all been taking place in his mind. In reality, Indy escaped the nursing home his kids dumped him in and now he’s naked in someone’s backyard with the hat on, cracking his whip on their lawn gnome.
Can’t wait to not see this movie. I’ve seen Crystal Skull three times, I’ve had enough.
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