Tales from the Darkside is a pulpy roulette table I sorta wish still existed. Sometimes the roulette wheel worked in your favor.
Sometimes you got Phil Fondacaro in leather pants and devil horns, which now that I think about it is pretty fucking rad.
Any who, let’s talk about one of the times this show cranked out a really fun story, Baker’s Dozen.
Baker’s Dozen only works because it stars one of the greatest performers, Mabel King. For millions in the 70s, they were introduced to her as Mama on What’s Happening!! While the sitcom was a great place for her to showcase a more loving and tender side of her acting ability, Mabel King in her true form was an intense charismatic entity.
She displayed this talent in The Wiz as Evillene the Witch. This energy was eternally captured in the film adaptation and I can’t imagine what the high must’ve been like for folks in those Broadway audiences sharing the same room with this woman’s compelling energy.
Simply put, Mabel King is a fucking legend and this episode being remembered all these years later is because of her great talent.
The story follows the sleaziest 80s ad executive walking into Mabel King’s cookie restaurant promising he knows how to turn her restaurant into a chain worth millions. As he’s walking away, a worker/slave Mabel King possesses gives our greasy creep 12 gingerbread cookies that he later learns possess a pinch of voodoo, if he’s thinks about someone while eating or destroying the cookie they’ll be injured, either minor or fatal.
As soon as you begin this episode, you’re aware TFTD is community theater with a camera in front of the set. Not only is the set low budget but the man playing Mabel King’s dad is mumbling to himself like he’s monologuing to an audience. “Old man shouldn’t have to work I tell ya. Old man like me should be relaxing in the shade, drinking something cool.” I think George Romero wrote the script for this one? Perhaps he was burned out from fighting with Orion about his killer monkey movie.
I’m “this made me scream MOMMY in a Blockbuster” years old.
The beginning that features this elderly man monologuing about his pain is one of this episode’s many quirks. The ad executive rambles about Mabel King’s shortbread cookies that cure headaches and oatmeal cookies that fuel you for workouts. Once again it’s community theater and this dude gets his moment to monologue about magical cookies.
At one point he threatens to take Mabel King’s cookies to a crime lab to figure out the ingredients? Could you fucking imagine?
“Hey cops I know your forensic research team is probably working double shifts to stop a rapist/murderer, but could you stop that and help me figure out why these chocolate chip cookies are so orgasmic?”
If you think this episode can’t get anymore community theater, you’re wrong.
Along with all that, we follow greaseball back home and dive into a Tennessee Williams play as his southern wife is accusing him of sleeping with his secretary. She’ll say “there’s a look in your eye you no longer have for me” and he’ll cry out “DAMMIT HELEN GO TO BED!”
I should mention the Gordon Gekko wannabe is played by Larry Manetti who if you’re an 80s baby you’ll recognize from Magnum P.I. He fucking nails the “disgusting Reagan supporter” vibe and I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or an insult. It’s kinda like telling an actor “boy you’re so believable as Hitler.”
While Larry Manetti is good, I’ll just mention yet again this episode’s ability to be rewatched is because of Mabel King. Oh my god, multiple times she yells KITCHEN RAT with her Evillene the Witch intensity and it’s a beautiful thing to see.
Remember when Conan O’Brien had the Walker, Texas Ranger lever? I wish I had a Mabel King screaming KITCHEN RAT lever because it breathes life into my soul.
Without giving too much away Mabel King at the end drops to her knees while screaming with such beautiful intensity and my god, this woman fucking BROUGHT IT!
So yeah, those are my thoughts on Baker’s Dozen. Sometimes TFTD shit the bed but not this time. You know who never shit the bed? MABEL FUCKING KING!
It's Emilio Amaro's Blog 