The Mist or How I Got Locked In the Mall with My Alleged Rapist

I’m probably one of the few in 2017 that prefers film over television.

I prefer movies because films are giving a bigger budget and usually look that much better. Also, they don’t have time for bullshit. Films on average go for a couple of hours while a television show is around 10-12 hours a season. Even the best shows have a lot of filler that makes you want to mindlessly scroll through Facebook as the series walks down a side path to meet a contracted number of episodes.

A current example of why films are superior to television is The Mist.

Yes, it’s a little unfair to compare since the film is directed by the man who also did The Shawshank Redemption while the television version is on the channel that used to be the home of Manswers, but even if it was HBO or Showtime doing this show I doubt it would be as compelling as the movie. Our opinions may differ but I think we can all agree this version is a television show is something that feels last relevant in 2002.

If you’re familiar with the Stephen King short story and the faithful film adaptation, you really have to wonder why this was made. Similar to CHIPs, a recent movie with a below average script that was greenlit because it uses the name of an established franchise, The Mist is a poor quality drama that uses the title of something well known in order to attract viewers.

The pilot begins with a soldier associated with The Arrowhead Project finding his dog dead in the mist and running towards the town in order to warn them. Until the end of the episode, that’s the last time the mist is seen or mentioned. From then on, we have what feels like a high school drama written by hack writers in their 40s.

There’s so much bullshit to unpack. I guess I’ll start with the gay brother. In the boring dramatic family the show focuses on there’s a gay son who is also goth/emo and feels like a stereotype created by a writer who walked by a Hot Topic and spotted a feminine male employee. His dialogue is every much what a Gen Xer or Baby Boomer thinks a Millennial is, stating that he isn’t gender specific. As if that wasn’t barf worthy enough, his sister is date raped at a party and his mother was recently fired for attempted to teach sex ed at the local high school.

This show would be far more watchable if it only focused on Frances Conroy.

 

What does this have to do with Stephen King’s story? Nothing.

How did The Mist morph into a knockoff of Dawson’s Creek? I have no fucking idea.

As mentioned previously, in an age where television writing has evolved from the dull network sitcom format, this show feels like something last relevant fifteen years ago. I wouldn’t be surprised if the writers are so out of touch they make reference to Britney Spears like she’s still brand new and someone punching up the script had to replace it with Katy Perry.

Due to the show’s mediocrity, there is an unintended hint of camp that will at the very least be enjoyed by anybody who needs a good laugh at some Tommy Wiseau style drama. A notable example is a random bitchy mom who is told not to go out in the mist by the daughter of the family the show focuses on and the mom saying she isn’t going to listen to someone who lied about being raped.

Spoiler alert: Bitchy mom gets punished

The drama in this “horror” short is so mediocre you’d think it was American Horror Story.

As if this wasn’t enough, the episode concludes with the daughter noticing in the mall she’s trapped inside with the star quarterback who is the main suspect of the “Who Cosbyed me?” mystery.

He’s always wearing a varsity jacket? O yeah he totally did it. 

 

For people still sticking it out with American Horror Story even though it’s crashed and burned for years now, this show might be tolerable. For anybody that values their time and the remaining brain cells they possess, just watch the film version or read the short story. No matter how many times you’ve done either of the two, you’re bound to get more from it than this show will ever offer.

 

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