Leave it to Vince McMahon to name a PPV after a song made famous by someone known for marrying their thirteen year old cousin, a bizarre controversy that brings to mind Stephanie McMahon snapping into Macho Man’s Slim Jim and Vince’s past desires for an incest storyline.
A missed opportunity for a great live threesome
The pre-show match was a Cruiserweight Championship match between Neville and (jobbing Cruiserweight of the month). Titus O’ Neil at ringside because standing next to a Cruiserweight is apparently what you know do when “Creative” has nothing for you and you’ve had enough plates at catering. Mildly amusing match but pick any Cruiserweight match from Monday Night Nitro in 1996 and you’ll have something far more worthy of your time.
The first official match of GBOF was Bray Wyatt vs Seth Rollins, two wrestlers I’ve lost hope and interest for due to 50/50 booking. Right before GBOF, Bray Wyatt’s win/loss record went viral which showed him at 182 wins and 424 losses. No matter how much the guy does it seems that he’ll always go back to mid-card hell. He wins the championship, is somehow able to make Randy Orton watchable only to drop the title during a Mankind length title run. He is certainly worthy of more.
Seth Rollins is just as hopeless. After being on top of the world a couple years ago, he too is going nowhere fast. This narcissist company actually believe going over on HHH at WrestleMania is a big deal but the reality is that Seth Rollins beat a 47 year old man who came to the ring on a three wheel motorcycle. Not exactly The Game of fifteen years ago.
Decent match, but the most entertaining moment was seeing Bray Wyatt and Jojo avoiding eye contact in the ring.
Next up was Enzo Amore and Big Cass which thankfully got done and over with quickly. The match began in the most agonizing way imaginable, an Enzo Amore promo. He’s over with the crowd but personally he does nothing for me since I saw Road Dogg do the same exact promos in 1998. For those not even conceived yet during The Attitude Era, I understand the appeal……I guess?
Big Cass is also making his singles debut to some incredibly generic ring music and sadly looking like Test if he replaced steroids with deep fried food.
Both of those guys are overrated but I don’t understand why they’re split up. As singles competitors they are doomed to be holding up the TNA Championship belt a year from now. Enzo has a cruiserweight build and will probably be cutting promos only to look like a destroyed rag doll for the rest of his WWE career or an attempt to recreate tag team magic with a new partner.
Being on the same roster as Braun Strowman, a more powerful and agile big man, Big Cass might not even be on the WWE roster in the fall.
The first great of the match by far was Cesaro and Sheamus vs The Hardy Boyz in a 30 minute Iron Man Tag Team Championship Match. These two teams blend together, always bringing out the best in one another. Being part of this tag team is the best option for Cesaro since WWE refuses to properly book him as a singles competitor and Sheamus, someone WWE overbooks is burned out creatively as a singles competitor.
It’s amazing The Hardy Boyz can still go afer all this time with the amount of bumps they’ve taken and how much pill popping Jeff Hardy has done that would and has killed most wrestlers of The Golden Era.
Great match, perfectly timed and executed. Plus Matt Hardy bled which is always appreciated.
Next up, Sasha Banks vs Alexa Bliss. Not much to say about this match. Alexa Bliss doesn’t really do much for me because having a great ass doesn’t make me mark out, unless you’re posing in Playboy which sadly the female competitors no longer do. Sasha Banks is a great competitor but is certainly not presented with the quality of matches that she was given in NXT. Bliss wins by count out and I wish Banks was getting more of an upper hand only to be screwed but I suppose it served its purpose in killing 12 minutes of time.
Present your booty, creepy fanboys will hand you money at conventions. Dignity traded in to stay over.
MY ASS KEEPS ME EMPLOYED MAN
Miz vs Dean Ambrose for the IC belt took place for the 1,000,000th time. Unlike Cesaro/Sheamus vs The Hardy Boyz, this rivalry lacks repetitive value. The Miz is far more “sports entertaining” on talk show segments and in the ring he’s not bad, but never as great as he is on the mic.
Ambrose is in desperate need of a heel turn. He’s been an underwhelming babyface last over in 2014. This generic character is in desperate need of creative.
By far the best match of the night, Braun Strowman vs Roman Reigns in an ambulance match was a physically entertaining match between two monsters. Strowman looked great and Reigns looked better than he ever has before. The match was great and only got better when Reigns got into an ambulance and smashed it into a truck backstage, attempting to kill Strowman. This rivalry at the moment only continues to get better and is the best one going on in WWE’s storylines. The most fun WWE has going right now are these two monsters destroying their surroundings while going head to head.
Strowman stumbling out of a destroyed ambulance and smearing blood all over a nearby vehicle is a level of cool WWE rarely strives for anymore.
The final match (worth discussing, sorry Slater and Hawkins) was between Samoa Joe and Brock Lesnar. Like every Lesnar match these past couple of years, the buildup was amazing and the match itself comes up short and will be easily forgotten. The beginning was great when Samoa Joe went in for some cheapshots before the bell and put Lesnar through a table. Unfortunately, after the bell rings that’s where the intensity ends. Lesnar then lazily goes through the motions with suplex after suplex, hitting one F-5 for the win. With the current product using a videogame style for their big fights where multiple finishers are used in order to beat a guy, seeing Lesnar win with one F-5 was disappointing. The match length was a letdown and compared to the high quality of the Iron Man Tag Team Match and Reigns vs Strowman, it only makes this main event look far worse and lazier than it already looks.
It’s amazing how there is still value within this bloated monster who is only able to go for 10 minutes while positioning his leg perfectly towards the camera to show off the Jimmy John’s logo on his shorts. To see such a gifted athlete like Lesnar decaying into a muscle bound joke who is gassed out worse than Goldberg in his early days on Nitro is quite sad to watch.
Great Balls Of Fire had two great matches and that’s probably two more than I imagined. If you haven’t watched it yet, check out the Iron Man Tag Team match and Reigns/Strowman.