2018 Update: If you’re wondering about the presences of the letter x in this post, they’re used to blog out a real name I used in this post. Thank Christ the person never saw it. Whack away.
First and foremost we here at Clips To Whack Off To want to address some controversy surrounding last week’s post…
After posting Clips To Whack Off To #17: Fat Grandma Pounded Before Tasting Jizz, I tagged someone in the comments alerting them to the newest post. Well, this person who is an artist in his downtime was questioned by clients regarding his love for granny porn and I would like to apologize to xxxxxx xxxxxx of (undisclosed location) for outing his passion for granny porn.
Xxxxxx, I hope you know that I am remorseful in outing this fetish you have for loose grey flesh hanging from the body of a woman who was old enough to hear about the Pearl Harbor bombings on the radio. I’d also like you to know not once did I ever mention the times I stopped by your apartment and caught you having sex with your couch cushions while watching The Golden Girls or your homemade Angela Lansbury doll for reruns of Murder She Wrote.
Xxxxxx is uncomfortable with his bisexuality so I won’t mention what he does he catches Andy Griffith on an episode of Matlock or when he hears Norman Lear’s luxurious voice on any podcast.
I’ll also take this time to promote Xxxxxx’ artistry. He is one hell of a rising artist and hopefully his clients will not condemn his love for granny porn because he’s simply the best. I recently had him over to paint the ending to Sleepaway Camp on my bathroom wall and whenever I’m urinating, I stare at Xxxxxx’ artwork and shed a tear of joy and awe.
Now onto the clip picked for this holiday…
Given that there’s only one clip that features sexual acts taken place at a 4th of July BBQ and even includes an intermission where The Star Bangled Banner plays, I had to go with this clip.
I myself would have preferred a clip that featured someone in a Revolutionary War era American solider uniform ass fucking a British girl in her country’s uniform from the same era…..obviously at some point the girl screaming “OOOO THE BRTISH ARE COMING!!!”…..or maybe a group of lesbians having an orgy in Halloween masks of ex presidents, but I guess Pornhub doesn’t love America THAT much….
Great day to do some Point Break role-playing
O well, guess I’ll just have to masturbate to this all American clip and multiple clips of Chuck Norris punching Russians all going at the same time as I ejaculate my red, white and blue spunk.
Speaking of incest and America what do you think is happening at the White House? Do you think Donald Trump is banging Ivanka while she blows his two sons and they’re all wearing Vladimir Putin masks and Melania is there recording it? I think so too…..but also Tiffany Trump is there drunk and waving around an empty martini glass slurring about how her dad doesn’t fuck her anymore and how she misses being a little girl and getting creampied before she was old enough to get pregnant and her father crowning her Miss America for being a good lay.
During this photo she was screaming “I want it now!” like Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka
AND I’M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN
WHERE AT LEAST I KNOW MY PRESIDENT KEEPS IT IN THE FAMILY
AND I WON’T FORGET ABOUT THAT RUSSIAN PISS TAPE
NO MATTER HOW MUCH PRESIDENT TRUMP WISHES I WOULD
CAUSE THERE AIN’T NO DOUBT I’D WATCH THAT VIDEO
HOLY FUCK, HOW DID THIS GUY BECOME PRESIDENT?
Is this a clip worth whacking off to? God damn right it is, unless you’re a fucking communist. O what’s that? You aren’t gonna masturbate to this? Well Joseph Stalin Jr, you better whip it out and record yourself masturbating to this clip while singing Courtesy Of The Red, White and Blue is you’re going to Guantanamo Bay and let me tell you something, that place is filled with ISIS members and they won’t be decapitating you with a cool sword from Aladdin but I guaranfuckingtee they will skullfuck you so hard that your head will be ripped off!
…..sorry for the vulgar description, guess I got carried away with my throbbing lust for America.
Happy 4th of July everybody!