Whirlpool: The Worst Episode Of Tales From The Crypt?

I had to watch this episode twice in order to confirm it’s as fucking horrible as I thought it was.

…it is.

I decided to view this episode when I saw that Mick Garris directed it, an iconic name in horror who interviews masters of the genre regularly and has also directed films like Sleepwalkers and television miniseries such as The Stand. Hopefully he had nothing to do with the creative side of this episode.

The main plot of Whirlpool is a comic book artist who is fired by her boss and soon finds herself repeating the same day over and over, which typically ends with the boss dead and a policemen firing squad filling her with bullets. So not only are you not given a creative Tales From The Crypt slasher and gory death, but it’s the same generic ending to a 1950s noir film over and over.

One thing I noticed about this episode are numerous references for Tales From The Crypt stories that are far better than the plot we have to sit through. The story our main character writers features a woman showing her breasts who is soon murdered by a re-animated corpse. What a far better episode than fucking Whirpool.

The way this episode suggests better ideas for a story and instead goes with this makes one feel as if it was written by pretentious hipsters who despise the macabre gory humor of Tales From The Crypt and only did this script for a paycheck.

Worst of all, this episode aired on Halloween night. If there’s any night you can’t phone it in on a horror show, it’s Halloween night. Watching this episode on Halloween night is equivalent to watching Christmas With The Kranks on Christmas Eve.

Whirlpool feels like something that was written after a bored, depressed and hungover writer happened to catch thirty minutes of Groundhog Day before going into work and submitting a new script they have yet to write. Tales From The Crypt is one of the most entertaining shows of all time and as a fan, coming across this episode that feels like something that is so worn out and tired it feels like Tales From The Darkside, it’s a real bummer.

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