Throwback Thursday Story: Roller Blading Dykes

I wrote a lot of psychotic exploitation stuff a couple of years ago. This 10,000 word novella is about a group of psychotic feminist lesbians known as The Roller Blading Dykes who go around killing as many men as they possibly can and eventually have to face a group of men who are as psychotic as them. If you happen to read this expect a lot of bloodshed, bizarre dialogue and maybe some uncomfortable sexual acts.





The Huddle was filled with nothing but men in football jerseys. It was the hottest sports bar in the city and always attracted men who stopped living once their high school football days drew to a close, or who extended their lives by a few years in a frat house.

There never was anything sadder than a man who never did anything with his life after joining a fraternity. You could always tell who they were since they always wore a shirt promoting a frat party from ten years ago and wore their fitted hats backward, something Fred Durst popularized during their heyday as a frat boy.

Along the walls were pins and flags for multiple football, basketball and even hockey teams.  Also along the wall were an alarming number of advertisements for anything ranging from deodorant to beer, in every case they featured a shirtless athlete wrapped in a towel. The advertisements also seemed to always a white guy with his arms around two black teammates.

Tommy stood looking at one of the advertisements with his eyes glazed over and drool coming from his mouth. The advertisement he was looking at in particular was one of Terry Bradshaw in his heyday. Tommy looked at the drops of water on Terry’s chest and felt his penis begin to tingle. When Tommy was an all star offensive lineman, he always imagined the quarterback behind him was Terry Bradshaw.

Whenever he chosen to play center, it was awkward because he would usually exhale like a prom queen being fingered after the dance with her tiara still on as the quarterback slowly put his hands between his legs.

Tommy looked into the eyes of Terry Bradshaw and began to rub his groin. His erection struggled against the chokehold of his jeans. While Tommy was rubbing himself and humming Sometimes by Britney Spears, one of the bros in The Huddle walked by and stared at Tommy. Tommy felt the eyes on the back of his head and quickly turned around. The guy looked down at Tommy’s erection and then at Tommy, looking into his eyes like he was Ted Bundy having sex with JonBenet Ramsey’s corpse.

“Ah I’m just fucking with you! I ain’t no faggot” said Tommy laughing loud and hard.

The guy rolled his eyes and laughed. “You’re fucking nuts Tommy.”

After the bro walked away, Tommy directed his attention back to Terry Bradshaw. He put his index finger over Terry’s mouth, as if to shush the advertisement.

“Soon my love, we shall be on the beach away from these bros. But for now I shall continue to be interested in sports and chicken wings until our time is to come.”

A group of ex-teammates sat at a table in the middle of The Huddle so they could get a view of all of the games blaring away on multiple HD TVs.  They were enjoying everything they were seeing until Troy, the team’s old quarterback noted something on the televisions that wasn’t to his liking.

“Hey Ernie! What the fuck is this?”

Ernie the bartender, looked up and saw the television Troy was gesturing to. On the TV was an WNBA game. Ernie almost shit himself when he saw the game.

“O Jesus fuck!” said Ernie violently punching away at the remote’s buttons. He put the television on an ESPN Classic channel that was showing some football game that was won with seconds remaining in the fourth quarter.

Troy shook his head as he turned his attention to the other guys.  “If I wanted to watch shit like that, I’d watch American Horror Story: Freakshow.”

“O bullshit.” said Michael, the team’s wide receiver. “We know you wanna give it to those abominable snowmen bitches.”

“Yeah Troy you always wanted to take home one of those Chewbacca broads.” said Hank, one of the team’s linebackers.

“Come on Troy” said Russell, the team’s running back. “We all know you don’t finger a broad unless you pull your hand back and pubic hair is poking out of your nails.”

“Jesus fuck guys we’re about to eat wings!  Save this bullshit for poker night.”

The guys laughed at Troy’s disgust as he dry heaved and put a fist over his mouth.

“Isn’t this place great guys?” said Hank. “Zero broads!”

“Ah yeah!” said Michael. “Dicks as far as the eye can see!”

“But not in a gay way right?” said Russell.

“Of course not.” said Hank with a look of shock on his face. “Do you see a pink shirt on my body? That’s gay boy stuff!”

The gang followed this up with a series of grunts as they pounded their chests. It was something they had always done before a football game, and also before the gangbangs they usually had to celebrate a victory with one of the school’s cheerleaders.

“Ahh football.” said Troy.

“Deodorant commercials!” said Russell.

“Barbeques at dad’s house!” said Michael.

The gang once again grunted and pounded their chests. The grunts and pounding were more of a nervous tick these days. Their loved ones and family always looked the other way since it was too depressing to confront their nostalgia face to face.

“So have any of you guys seen the football team these days?” asked Hank.

Troy rolled his eyes and dramatically downed some of his beer. “O don’t even get me started on those gridiron nancy boys.”

“That bad Troy?” asked Russell.

“O Jesus you wouldn’t fucking believe it. It’s like if 9/11 and Sandy Hook befriended one another and enrolled at Columbine and then went to Virginia Tech, that much of a fucking tragedy.”

“Holy fuck.” said Michael. “I never thought our team could go downhill that bad, how bad are we talking Troy?”

Troy took another sip of his beer. He then looked over to his right as he slowly exhaled.

“God damn I wish I could smoke in this place because I really need a cigarette while I tell you about this.” Troy then waved his hand in the air as if to dismiss the thought. “Eh whatever, tobacco gives you Stephen Hawking robot voice so I guess it’s for the best.

“Anyways, I’ve seen a few of their games this year and they’re all the drizzling shits. Like I thought these fools must’ve been blind retards but apparently none of them are in that room on the other side of the school and their eyesight is all 20/20, although I have my doubts. Now back to the games. These mother fuckers can’t keep possession of the ball for any respectable amount of time. Judging by how fast they lose the ball I know they gotta be more pre-mature than a middle schooler in a fucking tube sock.”

The guys laughed at this.

“O you don’t need to tell me” said Russell. “I’m still that bad.”

Troy smirked. “I assumed so Russell. So I went to their Homecoming game and that’s when I saw the peak of shit.  Fumbles, interceptions, you fucking named it and they fucked it all up.  I think the fucking game ended with the score being 37-0.”

All of the guys sat back in a stunned silence. With their reaction, one would imagine that they just heard all of their fathers died. Not only that but all of their corpses were found inside each other’s assholes. Not only that but the corpses were then possessed by demons and danced around a fire singing the hits of Taylor Swift.

“Is Coach still there?” asked Hank.

Troy nodded.

“What’s he seem to think of all this?”

“Well if you want my opinion it seems like he died years ago,” said Troy. “At the games he just seems like a soulless creature that is having an out of body experience to avoid the grim reality in front of him.”

“Poor coach.” said Michael.

“Well I’m not too surprised by it,” said Troy. “He can’t exactly coach like it was allowed in his heyday so he probably struggles to find a reason to wake up in the morning. He’s probably calling the Grim Reaper every fucking day like ‘Hey mother fucker, when are you picking me up? I’m tired of waiting at this god awful bus stop!’”.

“Well I believe you when you say he can’t coach like he used to,” said Hank. “He probably can’t make the team run nude on a cold October night after a bad loss.”

“Or duck tape a piece of paper with the word nigger on it in capital letters onto the black players and make them walk around school with it on Monday morning.” said Russell.

“Or demand you make your girlfriend allow the football team to run a train on her.” said Michael, who hung his head down in shame.

“O come on buddy, you still aren’t bummed about that are you?” said Troy.

“She was never the same man, I loved that girl.”

Troy put his hand on Michael’s shoulder. Michael looked straight into his beer avoiding Troy’s eyes.

“But hey buddy, we beat Newton that next week. Fucking demolished them, and it was all thanks to you finding that next level of anger to channel. You were a fucking god that night. God damn chicks left and right were waiting in line to suck your dick.”

Michael crossed his arms and smirked. “Yeah you got a point there; there was a point the following morning where it felt awkward to not have my cock down some girl’s throat.”

“See? That’s what I’m talking about man! Those were the fucking days.”

The men all replied to this with grunts and pounding their chest.

“I wish we could do it again.” said Troy.

The rest of the guys nodded in agreement.

“Hell I don’t see why we couldn’t with how the team is these days. I know I still got a better arm than the faggot they have now.”

“You don’t need to convince us Troy.” said Michael.

“Yeah, in a perfect world we could all go back to high school and march onto that football field again.”

“And dive into that fresh high school pussy” said Hank whipping his tongue out.

The guys followed this up with high fives all around.

Troy stared at their empty pitcher of beer and shook his head like a disappointed parent.

“Well that isn’t going to do.” said Troy gesturing at the pitcher. “I’ll get us some more.”

Troy got up and made his way over to the bar. As he told the bartender he wanted another pitcher, the front door of The Huddle was kicked open. Troy watched helplessly as the door slowly went through the air and landed on his table of friends. Blood and limbs went flying in all directions after the door came down upon them.

Troy’s eyes couldn’t believe what they were witnessing. One moment he would see the bloody carnage and then he would have a flashback to his friends and him walking off of the football field with their helmets underneath their arms, fist pounding after a hard earned victory. He watched as the blood flowed thinking back on the group’s high school graduation. Troy wanted to dig his nails into the front doors and forever be connected to the building. He forever wanted to be in high school living carelessly and spreading his seed left and right with his only concern being about winning the game on Friday night.

After the memories played through Troy’s mind in a sped up fashion, he looked up at the entrance and saw three women standing in the doorway. All three of the girls wore jeans, long sleeve jean jackets and short sleeve shirts underneath them.  There were two white girls who wore shirts promoting the bands Sleater-Kinney and the Indigo Girls. Between them was a black female with an afro. She wore a shirt for the exploitation classic Foxy Brown.  What was the most eye catching about their attire was the fact that the pits of their jean jackets and shirts were cut out. Sticking out of the holes was their armpit hair, which was long and unkempt. Troy imagined that they also didn’t believe in deodorant.

“Who in the fuck are you ugly cunts?” asked a man of medium height with a beer gut that only looked appropriate on a statue of Buddha.

The white girl to the left rolled over to the guy at the speed of light. Everybody watched dumbstruck as she stuck her foot up in the air aimed at the man’s jaw. Her balance on the roller skates was almost unreal, like something that should only exist in a video game.

The girl’s roller skate connected with the guy’s jaw. The force behind the kick decapitated the fat drunk and sent his head flying into a plate of nachos. The guys surrounding the nachos all backed up screaming like a bunch of frightened school girls. Even under the circumstances, they looked around the sports bar like injured animals as they looked into the eyes of everybody with flushed faces.

“We are the Roller Blading Dykes!” said the black girl in the middle. “And you are all to pay for having male genitalia!”

Troy stood at the bar realizing that this was his time. He slowly ducked his right arm behind the bar looking for a bottle. His heart began to beat at a rapid pace as he wrapped his fingers around a bottle of whiskey the bartender nipped on when nobody was looking. Troy put his grip on the bottle and felt like a Friday night gladiator once more. In his mind he could hear an epic John Williams like score playing. It made the hairs on his neck and forearms stand up. Even his nipples were somewhat erect.

“What in the fuck are you doing Troy?” whispered the bartender.

“Saving this place.”

He played the moment in his mind. He would take the bottle and toss it at the main Roller Blading Dyke. After she was down, he would jump behind the bar and take down the other two. It would be so simple and Troy would be seen as a hero. He’d be carried out of the bar like he once was after a football game. Troy recalled looking at the scoreboard and the goalposts after his final high school football game and telling himself he would one day reclaim this glory, and now that day had finally come.

Troy brought the bottle up and felt it between his two palms. He then eyed the black Roller Blading Dyke and squinted imagining he was a hunter looking for the kill shot. He wasted no time throwing the bottle. He watched  as the bottle made a perfect spiral towards the bitch’s head. It brought a smile to Troy’s face.

The black Roller Blading Dyke saw the bottle coming at her when it was not even ten feet from her. On instinct, she threw her foot up. The wheels on the bottom of her shoes rubbed up against the bottle and sent it flying back to its owner. Troy watched in a stupid frozen stance as the bottle rushed back to him. He was halfway through a four letter word one could never say on television when the bottle went into his mouth and through the back of his skull.

“There will be no cowboy saving the day when the Roller Blading Dykes are around!” said the black Roller Blading Dyke.

The Roller Blading Dykes began to roller blade around and attack anybody attempting to run away into the back room. The two white Roller Blading Dykes caught a pudgy white man running towards the back. They smirked at one another and took off. One swirled around the left of the sports bar as the other swirled around the right. They caught the man in the middle of each other. They sped with their fists out and fist bumped one another, even though the man’s skull was in between their fists they made the connection. The man’s brains flew up to the roof like he was a large zit. The girls laughed watching as the bits of brain dripping off the ceiling.

At the front door was the black Roller Blading Dyke. She had her arms crossed as five men crowded around her.

“Listen bitch, you can’t stop all of us from leaving this place.”

“Yeah, you’re just a little cunt on roller blades.”

The black Roller Blading Dyke flashed the guys a sinister smirk.

“Try me faggots.”

All at once, the guys charged at the black Roller Blading Dyke. As they charged, she dropped her body sideways so that her feet were positioned in the face of the first guy all the way to the left. She roller bladed from his face all the way to the guy on the right. After she bladed across his face, the black Roller Blading Dyke kicked off his face which made her do a somersault mid air and landed successfully back to where she was originally standing.

The guys all had deep red gashes across their faces. Blood poured from the fresh wounds. A couple of the guys were currently missing their eyeballs, which were on the bottom of the black Roller Blading Dyke’s roller blades. One guy in the middle had lost half of his nose.

The black Roller Blading Dyke started with two of the guys in the middle. She kicked them in the knee caps which brought them both down at the same time. Once they were kneeling in front of her, she threw her body back as she brought her left skate against the head of the guy towards the left and her right skate against the head of the guy to the right. The guys’ heads were smashed together and the impact cracked their skulls into tiny pieces as if they were a priceless vase in an art museum.

After they were taken care of, the black Roller Blading Dyke skated all the way to the other side of the sports bar. As she skated, guys all around her avoided her and screamed when she was close to them. The black Roller Blading Dyke looked over at her partners in crime and smirked.

“Watch this bitches.”

She took off towards two of the guys near the entrance and leaped into the air with her feet sticking out aimed at the guys. Once impact was made, the guys went flying through the glass of the front door. The black Roller Blading Dyke watched as the two rag dolls went flying through the front door into two cars parked closest to the front door. Both men went through the front windshield and out of the back windshield. The black Roller Blading Dyke smirked once she heard the crunching of bones as their bodies collided with the pavement.

The black Roller Blading Dyke superkicked the final man near the entrance. His body was sent flying through the air where it landed through the biggest flat screen television hanging in the bar. Sparks flew left and right as his corpse was cooked like a Thanksgiving turkey.

“O dear Christ! How can we watch the game now?” cried the bartender.

The white roller blading dyke in the Sleater-Kinney shirt rolled up to him. The bartender shook as she got closer.

“All you men care about his balls, why even your eyes are turning into balls.”

The Roller Blading Dyke followed this comment by kicking a large hole in the bar. She then threw her body down into the splits and she ripped through the bartender’s jeans and gripped his testicles and ripped them clean off.  As he was screaming, the Roller Blading Dyke shoved his testicles into his eye sockets. Blood poured from the man’s sockets.

The Roller Blading Dyke took a few steps backward and rolled slightly forward before doing a front somersault over the bar and the bartender. Still facing the bottles behind the bar, she kicked her right foot in the direction of the bartender’s head taking it clear off of his shoulders. The man’s head went flying through the sports bar’s roof.

Standing across the street was a group of children who had just gotten ice cream cones from the local ice cream man.  They were smiling from ear to ear as they licked the freshly made ice cream and enjoying the warm weather this summer brought. As Susie closed her eyes and enjoyed the happiness from her chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream cone, she heard a splat sound. Happiness turned to depression as she wondered why ice cream was all over her face and clothing. She could feel the cold sensation on her and was somewhat worried to open her eyes, at the thought of seeing a bully twice her size looking for a fight. She opened her eyes and saw something much worse. On her cone was the decapitated head of an older man. The worst part was he didn’t even have eyes; there were two pale sacks of something instead. Susie dropped the cone and bawled her eyes out until her parents heard her at the house they lived a block away from where Susie currently stood.

Over the course of the next ten minutes, the Roller Blading Dykes killed every man inside of the sports bar. Absolutely nobody made it out alive, not even the cooks.  After the slaughter, the Roller Blading Dykes smiled from ear to ear looking at all of the bloodied football jerseys and ruined flat screen televisions that would no longer show  a football game or basketball game ever again.

“Look at all the manhood we have taken away girls” said the black Roller Blading Dyke with her arms crossed.

“We took it away just like men have taken away womanhood with ovens and not timing the pull out method properly.” said the Roller Blading Dyke with the Indigo Girls shirt.

“Fuck men!” said the Roller Blading Dyke in the Sleater-Kinney shirt. “Ride my face!”

And the girls did that. Their vaginas were so abnormally hairy it looked like Sasquatch or Bigfoot was suffocating the girl as she slurped away.




































As the Roller Blading Dykes skated away from the bar, they felt empowered and motivated. Their pussies throbbed with female strength just like whenever they looked over and saw a poster with Rosie the Riveter flexing her biceps or when Rose McGowan ripped Bret Easton Ellis a new asshole for gay men not supporting the fight of woman enough.

Around all of their necks, they wore a necklace of testicles and penises that the girls made from the victims of The Huddle massacre. As they glided away, a trail of blood followed them.

“We shall keep this genitalia forever girls” said the black Roller Blading Dyke as she shook her necklace. “Those pigs will be buried like the futile Ken dolls they are!”

“They’ll have no genitalia to pollute the afterlife with!” said the Roller Blading Dyke in the Indigo Girls shirt.

“Men” said the Roller Blading Dyke in the Sleater Kinney shirt. “They’re all just like Hitler and Jim Jones, poisoning our loins with their vile seed!”

As the girls skated on preaching that ejaculation was the end of feminism, a petite cheerleader blocked their path. She was no older than seventeen and had long blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She didn’t have much of a chest, but she made up for it when it came to her ass.

“I don’t agree with you Roller Blading Dykes at all. Why I myself long for the day when I can find a man who takes care of me and all I have to do is stay at home, cook his meals, make babies and read erotic vampire novels.”

As the cheerleader spouted off her version of happily ever after, she looked into the distance with her fingers interlocked.

The black Roller Blading Dyke backhanded the cheerleader with all of her force. With all of the power and aggression behind the backhand, it was a surprise when the girl’s head didn’t spin off her shoulders.

While the girl was dazed, the other two Roller Blading Dykes grabbed her by the arms. They then looked over at their leader for further instructions.

“You know what to do girls.”

The two Roller Blading Dykes tossed the cheerleader up into the air like pizza dough. As she was flying into the air, the black Roller Blading Dyke rolled up underneath the girl and put her right foot up facing the sky. The cheerleader screamed before she came down on the Roller Blading Dyke’s leg. Once she did, the screams turned into silence. A look of shock came across the cheerleader’s face as she was impaled vagina first onto the Roller Blading Dyke’s leg. Blood poured from the cheerleader like a cherry Slurpee from the nearest 7/11.

Everybody who was around to witness this brutal murder screamed with every ounce of lung power they had within them.

“Let it be known this is what happens when you long for a traditional Christian lifestyle!” said the black Roller Blading Dyke.

“There will be no Hallmark stories as long as the Roller Blading Dykes reign supreme!” shouted the Roller Blading Dyke in the Sleater-Kinney shirt.

“Brazilian waxes are oppressing! Bow before our pubic hair!” shouted the Roller Blading Dyke in the Indigo Girls shirt.

The black Roller Blading Dyke flung the lifeless corpse of the cheerleader across the street. The corpse went flying through a third story window.

After they stood triumphantly watching the cheerleader’s corpse flying through the third story window, the Roller Blading Dykes skated away. Once again, a trail of blood followed them.

“It’s a god damn shame how pathetic and mindless today’s youth is” said the Roller Blading Dyke in the Indigo Girls shirt.

“Amen to that sister” said the Roller Blading Dyke in the Sleater-Kinney shirt. “And to think there are people who are still pro life.”

“If I see a girl pregnant and I find out she doesn’t have a Tumblr account, I’ll kick her in the fucking gut until that lifeless baby tumbles out!” shouted the black Roller Blading Dyke.

“You’d probably be doing the world a favor” said the Roller Blading Dyke in the Sleater Kinney shirt. “There’s a good chance that she’s just feeding a future male in that womb of hers!”

“Every male baby is Rosemary’s Baby!” said the Roller Blading Dyke in the Indigo Girls shirt.

“If the baby has a penis, he’ll just fuck our future and jizz all over it!” said the black Roller Blading Dyke.

The girls shouted in agreement and skated away with aggression, eyeing the streets for the next man or brainwashed bitch to punish. Their eyes were peeled open for any man who resembled Al Bundy or a woman renting one of Jennifer Aniston’s romantic comedies.

The girls weren’t even three blocks away from where they dismantled the cheerleader before they were blocked off by a line of squad cars. Behind of the squad cars were officers with pistols and shotguns all aimed at them. The girls smirked at this before spinning around and speeding away.

They sped off a few feet and put the brakes on once more when police cars sped up and blocked that way as well. Dozens of police officers jumped out of their vehicles and aimed their weapons at the girls. Out of the surrounding alleyways, police officers also came out aiming their guns at the Roller Blading Dykes. The black Roller Blading Dyke lightly backhanded the shoulders of the girls and pointed over in the alleyways at some of the officers who happened to be women.

“Well well well look at this dykes, we got a couple of traitors in blue.”

“I bet they wear strap ons in their bedroom mirror and pretend to be men.” said the Roller Blading Dyke in the Indigo Girls shirt.

“I bet they’re so brainwashed, they’d long to bathe in the musk of Jason Statham.” said the Roller Blading Dyke in the Sleater-Kinney shirt.

“Give it up Roller Blading Dykes! You’re surrounded” said one of the female officers.

“If you give up now, you can become one of us.” said another female officer. “All you have to do is give ten blowjobs to the senior officers and shave your pubic hair.”

“Never!” shouted the Roller Blading Dykes at the same time. The power within their shouts took the officers back a bit. They soon regained their composure and kept their weapons aimed at the girls.

After their composure was regained and their weapons were aimed, the police officers began to fire away at the Roller Blading Dykes. Bullets by the hundreds flew through the air. The scene was very reminiscent of a John Woo film, the ones that were made before Hollywood raped him of all style.

The officers fired with eagerness and anger trying to hit the Roller Blading Dykes, but were quite unsuccessful. The Roller Blading Dykes twisted and threw their bodies through the air avoiding all contact with the bullets. Their ability to dodge bullets was a big fuck you to every law of gravity the world knew.

Whether it was because of how eager the police officers wanted to take the Roller Blading Dykes, how stupidly they believed that killing these three girls would have been as easy as taking a drunk to sit in the tank for awhile or that the heat was frying their brains, making them unable to have a  comprehendible thought process, the police officers fired away never thinking twice about the fact that their bullets were not only missing the Roller Blading Dykes but hitting officers standing on the other side of the street. A couple of times bullets actually hit the gas tanks of squad cars, and yet the officers never stopped to think about the damage they were causing themselves. They still continued to fire away at the Roller Blading Dykes.

As the Roller Blading Dykes twirled through the air dodging bullets, they also were able to kick some bullets that barely touched the wheels of their roller skates. The girls cheered whenever they were able to kick a bullet and sending it flying into the neck of one of the surrounding police officers. It wasn’t uncommon to do this and watch as while that officer died, he or she squeezed off a bullet that killed another police officer. The girls always laughed whenever they saw two cops dying that were looking in one another’s eyes at the shock of either shooting or being shot by a fellow officer.

“You boys shoot worse than premature teenagers with down syndrome!” shouted the Roller Blading Dyke in the Sleater-Kinney shirt. Seconds after saying this she caught a bullet on the wheels of her skates and watched as it sped off towards the gas tank of a squad car surrounded by several officers. The explosion was just as she’d seen it on old action TV shows. A few of the officers went flying through the air like rag dolls. At least three of them were on fire, two of them were covered in flames and one had just her hair engulfed in flames. The ones that weren’t sent flying in the air were covered in flames and running unable to comprehend what else to do.

The black Roller Blading Dyke rolled around taking in the carnage. Her heart was filled with such warmth and delight watching all of the carnage. She rolled around until she heard the click of a pistol behind her. She stopped dead in her tracks.

“It’s all over here nigger” said a police officer. “I’ll admit it you had a good little run but you’ll be going into a cage like the little monkey you are.”

The black Roller Blading Dyke threw her body down into the splits and rolled backwards between the legs of the officer. Once she was behind him, she threw her body up and was back on her feet. The officer was slow to comprehend what was happening and was still facing the other direction. She reached over his shoulder and grabbed his pistol. Once the officer turned around, the black Roller Blading Dyke hit him across the face with the pistol. The officer went down and the black Roller Blading Dyke jumped on top of him.

She began by smashing his nose with the butt of the pistol. Breaking the racist cop’s nose wasn’t enough for the Black Roller Blading Dyke. When she looked at his face, she saw the white men who chased her from the bus stop until she was in the safety of her home as a child. As they yelled at her and called her things like nigger, porch monkey and mau mau, they’d throw anything from batteries to balloons filled with urine. The face of this police officer brought back all of these painful memories and the black Roller Blading Dyke wasn’t going to stop until the memories stopped screaming inside of her head.

She smashed the cop’s nose until it tore completely off of his face. The man who now looked like Voldemort screamed and cried begging for his life. This cheered up the black Roller Blading Dyke as she giggled at how comical this bastard looked like without his nose. She was feeling better, but the memories were still screaming inside of her head so the black Roller Blading Dyke brought down the pistol over and over.

It wasn’t until the officer’s face looked like a bowl of tomatoes that somebody stuck an M-80 inside of that she stopped and took a breather. The energy she had put in and the satisfaction she had gotten was equivalent to a middle schooler being able to fuck whatever porn star they masturbated to three times a day.

In just under a half hour, the Roller Blading Dykes had taken out the entire police force of the city. They stood in defiance looking at all of the burning squad cars and dead police officers on the ground. There was splattered blood and guts on all of the surrounding buildings. The scene looked like something out of a post apocalypse film.

“Why on Earth would they just open fire like that? Didn’t they know we’d just dodge the bullets?” asked the Roller Blading Dyke in the Indigo Girls shirt.

The black Roller Blading Dyke shook her head.  “You have a lot to learn young Roller Blading Dyke. Men are a retarded breed. They have a fatal drug in their system called testosterone. It’s a drug that enters the brain and makes you believe that anything within a Clint Eastwood or John Wayne film is possible. By the end, men practically shoot their pistols with their hard ons as the trigger finger and welcome death.”

“Wow I never thought of it that way. It’s a shame we couldn’t save our fellow women.”

After they enter the work force and spend less time on Tumblr, they might as well go back in time and beg their mothers to have an abortion if you ask me.”

The Roller Blading Dykes nodded in agreement. The black Roller Blading Dyke skated over to the nearestr corpse and dipped her hands into the man’s blood. After her fists were drenched in blood, she skated over to the nearest building and began to write. Once she was done she stepped back and admired her own work.

Written on the wall in bright red letters were the words FUCK BLUE LIVES!

The girls stood in front of this with their arms crossed and nodding in agreement.

“Afuckingmen sister” said the Roller Blading Dyke in the Indigo Girls shirt.

As they admired the work, they heard clicking and turned around. On the ground was a police officer with a pistol aimed at them. Unfortunately for him, he was fresh out of bullets. The officer looked at the gun as if to ask it and God why he was given such a cruel existence. He was at this moment just a torso. His legs were nowhere in sight.

“So close, and yet so far piggy” said the black Roller Blading Dyke. “Bailey you wanna take care of this mother fucker?”

The Roller Blading Dyke nodded. “It would be a pleasure Pam.”

As Bailey was roller blading backwards, the Roller Blading Dyke in the Indigo Girls shirt looked at Pam with her jaw dropped in dramatic fashion. Pam rolled her eyes.

“Jesus Kimberly, I’ll let you have the next one. Don’t have your fucking period on me.”

Bailey skated off and kicked the officer’s head with all the strength in her right leg. The officer’s head was knocked clean off and went sailing towards a nearby building. Once the head connected, it splattered against the side like a month old pumpkin. The girls watched as the remains of the head stuck to the side and slowly slid down like one of those creepy crawler toys that children used to be so fond of.




























Mayor Locke sat in his office eating sushi off of a girl only wearing the leaves that were between her naked flesh and the sushi. Mayor Locke looked at the girl and was huffing and puffing barely able to control himself while looking at her body. She was tan but not the level of tan when they resembled if one made an Oompa Loompa out of beef jerky. Her breasts and vagina barely being covered was going to give the mayor his fourth heart attack to date, although if he was going to have one this would be the first time he had one that wasn’t over a new jelly donut being revealed at Dunkin Donuts.

It was safe to say that the mayor made Will Sasso look like an Abercrombie and Fitch model.

The mayor reached for the piece of sushi that was placed near the girl’s vagina. As he reached for it, he pretended to accidentally insert a finger inside of the girl’s vagina.

“Whoopsie daisies.” said the mayor placing his finger inside of his mouth. “Excuse me; I think I got the Parkinson’s.”

“Watch your hands next time Mayor! I’m not your personal whack a mole!” said the girl, crossing her arms.

“It was a simple mistake, but I must admit you taste a little like maple syrup.”

The girl blushed. “O well thank you Mayor Locke.”

The mayor waved his hands in the air in a dismissive way. “O please please, call me Jimmy. So tell me a little about yourself, what do you do besides being a sushi gal?”

“Well I’m just doing this for some summer cash until school starts back up.”

“O cool, so what are you majoring in?”

“Nothing yet, I’m still in high school!”

The mayor as he heard this was swallowing a piece of sushi, he choked for a few seconds before being able to spit up the sushi.

“H-h-high school?”

“Yeah I’m going to be a senior.”

“O so you’re eighteen?” said the mayor with a sigh of relief.

“In eight months I will be.”

The mayor looked at the finger he had inserted inside of the girl; he shook his hand as if to rid himself of the finger.

“O jesus, I feel like Josh Duggar.”

The mayor’s assistant entered the room and the mayor put his hands up looking frightened into the eyes of a man who looked like an experience lawyer with his designer Ray-Ban prescription glasses and expensive suits. He always reminded the mayor of a corporate Egor from Ghostbusters.

“I swear I thought this girl was eighteen when I stuck my finger in the pie!”

The mayor’s assistant rolled his eyes. “I don’t have time to care about pedophilia! There are bigger concerns in this city than high schoolers being played like a fretboard under the fingers of Brian Setzer or Yngwie Malmsteen.”

The mayor looked confused. “Yngwie Malmsteen? Well I didn’t finger that fast, her pussy would’ve caught on fire if that was the case. So what were you saying about issues?”

The mayor’s assistant explained the Roller Blading Dykes. He explained in detail the massacre that happened at The Huddle and then went into explanation about the bloody carnage that killed every police officer in the city. Before going into explanation about the police officers, he brought in bloodied uniforms and police caps with the decapitated heads of the police officers in as proof.

The mayor once he saw the decapitated heads felt vomit coming up and barely avoided puking all over the sushi girl. Instead, he was able to get it all into the trash can by his desk.

“Fuck me Max; you didn’t need to bring in the decapitated heads. I would’ve fucking believed you.”

Max shrugged his shoulders. “Well three psychotic lesbians killed our entire police force. It sounds like an unbelievable story; I thought you’d need to see some evidence to believe such a thing.”

“I don’t take you as a liar Max.” the mayor exhaled dramatically while leaning back in his chair and putting his hand to his forehead. “Holy fuck what a day….so not a single police officer is alive?”

Max shook his head.

“So you are telling me three psychotic dykes killed our entire police force in under half an hour?”

Max nodded.

“God dammit. What a fucking horrible police squad. Max, make sure there is no memorial or proper burial for them. I want those people buried two or three feet below so there’s a great chance a pack of coyotes eat their corpses. Bury them all in one hole in the junk yard! Also, if there are any families who have a problem with that you tell them they can lick the gonorrhea off of my cock!”

The mayor slammed his fist into the ribs of the sushi girl, she screamed in pain.

“O fuck! I’m sorry I’m so sorry. I forgot you were on my desk. God dammit.”

“Sir, what do we do about the Roller Blading Dykes?”

“Ah yes, those cunts. I think you know what needs to be done Max.”

Max looked to be taken back. He swallowed the saliva currently in his mouth as he adjusted the neck of his dress shirt.

“S-sir do you think we should go that far? We could probably just call the military or something.”

“Ah fuck them! We can handle this on our own.”

The mayor stood up out of his chair. He slowly began to make his way towards a red phone on a small table in the corner of his office. He slowly exhaled as he made his way over to pick up the phone. As his hand hovered over the phone, the right wall of the mayor’s office came down. Sushi went everywhere as the sushi girl screamed rushing to stand up and hide on the other side of the desk.

Five men came through the large hole within the wall. All five of the men wore camouflage pants and camouflage wife beaters. With their black and grey crew cuts they seemed to resemble a grizzled version of a knockoff GI Joe.

“Ya called boss?” said the man in the middle. The mayor noticed he had quite the resemblance to Chip Hazard, the main Commando from the film Small Soldiers.

“Uhh I was about to? Jesus guys I didn’t even pick up the phone, how the hell did you know?”

“We’ve been waiting for this opportunity for a very long time mayor” said a guy all the way to the left, who resembled the actor Keith David.

“Ok? I guess, whatever, listen we got some Roller Blading Dykes terrorizing the city.”

“Ugh let me guess,” said a man towards the right, who seemed to be the top muscle of the group. “Women who believe in voting and life outside the kitchen cooking pies for a fundraiser?”

“Yeah that does seem to be their agenda.”

The leader of the group held up his hand in a stop motion. “Say no more mayor, The Males of Machismo have got this one.”

The mayor smiled and clapped his hands together in a prayer motion. He aimed his hands towards the group. “I knew you boys would! This should be an easy clean up for you.”

“Don’t worry mayor; we’ll bring these dykes to you alive with a strong desire to please in the kitchen……and in the bedroom.”

All of the men in the room laughed at the same time. They followed this up with a series of grunts and gesturing to their testicles.

“Alright boys, I’ll let you get to it!”

The Males of Machismo made a single file line and saluted the mayor, who saluted right back at them. They then marched out of the office and out of the building ready to demolish the Roller Blading Dykes.

“O I am so happy I’m not a Roller Blading Dyke” said the mayor with his arms crossed.

“Same here” said Max. “All those guys have been doing is working out, watching war movies and snorting cocaine for the last twenty years.”

The mayor rolled his eyes. “Jesus we’ve been giving them cocaine? Is that on the city’s fucking budget?”

Max shrugged his shoulders.

“Well as long as they rip those Roller Blading Dykes a new pussy they can snort all the blow they want.”

The mayor ordered some more sushi. He kept the same girl as long as Max promised not to be a tattle tale.












































Across the city laid the discarded police badges of all of the officers. Some of the badges were covered in blood and guts, and others were either black or slightly melted from the explosions.  Underneath all of the badges were the penises that belonged to the police officers. The police badges of the female officers were stored within the vaginas of the Roller Blading Dykes. It was their way of symbolizing how these girls lived such immoral lives pretending to be men that their existence deserved to be wiped off the face of the earth.

The citizens of the once wonderful city were out in the streets. They were demanded by the Roller Blading Dykes who announced they were the new leaders of the city to come out and bow before them. Every citizen kneeled down before the Roller Blading Dykes, most shaking from fear.  The Roller Blading Dykes stood before them defiant and mighty, feeling like Adolf Hitler or Napoleon after conquering new territory.

“Your precious city now belongs to us” said Pam, skating back and forth in front of the crowd, behind her stood Bailey and Kimberly with their arms crossed. “There will be no more testosterone fueled additions.”

“The football field that is home to your precious little team?” said Bailey. “It shall now be a center for open mic poetry.”

“But only poetry involving women who live an alternative lifestyle being raped in an alleyway!” added Kimberly.

“Every coffee shop will remain a coffee shop.” said Pam.

“But they will only serve coffee to women who need to stay energized and fueled for intense conversations about The L Word!” added Bailey.

“Eating pussy is now a mandatory activity!”

All the girls in the crowd smirked to themselves; a few even blushed like innocent Catholic girls who had only imagined such a thought alone in their bedrooms in the dead of night.

“You” said Pam, pointing to a charming looking man. He looked like he could easily have his own dating show on ABC. Pam then pointed over to an overweight female slob. She could easily be considered the Bastian Booger of girls. She was currently sweating while eating a Snowball.

The guy looked back at Pam as if she just demanded he cut his own penis off and swallow it whole. “B-b-but she looks like Tess Munster!”

“Eat her pussy or we’ll eat your fucking throat.”

The guy laid down on the hot street cowering in fear. The fat female hog stood up and slowly dropped her pants and underwear. A few of the guys and even some of the girls dry heaved when they saw the girl nude from the bottom on down. She waddled over to the guy and dropped right onto his face. Surprisingly, the impact didn’t smash his skull open against the concrete. Once she sat on his face, a few of the guys in the crowd vomited.

“You fucking pigs!” yelled Pam to the men vomiting. “How dare you vomit at a woman experiencing pleasure?”

“Yeah I bet if it was a fat fuck like Ron Jeremy getting his dick sucked you men would be jizzing in your Hanes!” yelled Bailey.

“I outta cut all your dicks off and feed em to the horses!” said Kimberly.

The fat woman moaned in pleasure and her eyes rolled in the back of her head.

“O fuck, this is a better day than when Ben and Jerry released Late Night Snack.” moaned the woman.

The Roller Blading Dykes smirked as they watched the fat woman being pleasured. Their smiles soon turned to looks of concern when they saw what looked like a missile approaching their area.

“Holy fucking shit!” yelled Pam.

It hit the fat woman directly in the head, which exploded like a watermelon. Her fat corpse tumbled forward and a loud gushing pop sound was made when the guy’s head exited her vagina. He looked frightened and happy to see the world once more. He ran off into a cloud of smoke. After a few seconds, once the smoke cleared the Roller Blading Dykes saw a group of men in camouflage wifebeaters and pants standing looking defiant. They all had cigars clamped inside of their mouths.

“Who in the fuck are you fudgepackers?” said Pam.

“We’re the Men of Machismo sweetheart.” said the guy in the middle.

“Sweetheart” said Kimberly taking a step forward. “How dare you call me that you fucking pig? We are not sweethearts! We are women who made our own decisions and grow our pubic hair because we don’t have conservative hedge trimmers cutting our freedom down!”

“You fucking bitches belong in the kitchen.” said a guy over to the right. “Yeah I’d fuck you real hard while you made a sweet cherry pie for the church fundraiser and if you didn’t use enough cherries I’d beat the shit out of you.”

“You testosterone fueled faggots made a big mistake taking on the Roller Blading Dykes.” said Bailey. “We’re a big deal ya know!”

The leader of the Men of Machismo smirked at this and crossed his arms.

“I’ll hand it to you broads. You’re pretty tough for a gang of dumb cunts.”

“You fucking pig!” yelled Pam.

“Nice roller blades by the way, after we take you all down I cannot wait to cum in all of your assholes and pretend you’re Roller Girl from Boogie Nights.”

“Roller Girl is just a common slut” said Bailey. “We are women of defiance.”

“We’re still gonna fuck your defiant ass raw bitch” said one of the Men of Machismo.

“Well after we’re done with all of you closet homosexuals, we’re gonna sew your cocks onto our new city flag as a friendly reminder to the citizens that feminism reigns supreme!”

“Well bring it on you roller blading cunts!”

The Roller Blading Dykes eyed the Men of Machismo as they slowly began to skate backwards. The Men of Machismo also began to slowly back up. Once the Roller Blading Dykes were on one end of the road and the Men of Machismo were on another, they charged at one another. Because of the girls’ speed due to the skates, they met the Men of Machismo closer to their side.










































The Roller Blading Dykes all jumped into the air at the exact same time; eager to karate kick the Men of Machismo. At the last second, the Men of Machismo grabbed the girls by their leg and threw them across the street. Their defense was so last minute that a couple of the girls could feel the wheels of their skates brush against the stubble on the chins of the men.

The Roller Blading Dykes twirled in the air and came down on their skates.  They launched themselves over to the Men of Machismo once more. Once they were close enough, the Men of Machismo kicked the Roller Blading Dykes right in their vaginas.

“Right in the cunt you liberal hippies” yelled the leader of the Men of Machismo.

The next one you get between the legs is gonna be our cocks!” said another Man of Machismo.

The Men of Machismo followed the man’s line up by grunting and grabbing their testicles as they thrusted their hips towards the Roller Blading Dykes. The Roller Blading Dykes were disgusted by this.

This was worse than when ABC cancelled Ellen.

“You fucking men!” said Pam. “It’s always about your dicks!”

“I bet you’re all closet fags!” said Bailey. “Just suck cock and stop hiding it!”

The questioning of their sexuality made the grins of the Men of Machismo turned to menacing frowns. They skin turned a boiling shade of red.  The Roller Blading Dykes noted the veins popping in all of their foreheads.

“We aren’t nancy boys!” cried one of the men on the left.

The leader of the Men of Machismo ran up to Kimberly and headbutted her across the nose. Kimberly fell over dazed. The other Roller Blading Dykes barely had time to react before the other Men of Machismo punched them in the nose and smacked their ears with an open hand for extra effect.  As they were dazed, the Men of Machismo put steel handcuffs on their legs and held their arms behind their back. They then faced the girls to watch their leader who now also had Kimberly cuffed around the legs.

The Roller Blading Dykes cried out as the leader of the Men of Machismo punched Kimberly across the mouth. He then bent her over and slid her jeans and panties around her ankles. He then followed this by pulling down his camouflage jeans and camouflage underwear and spit on his member. Once he was lubbed up, he began thrusting away at the Roller Blading Dyke.

In under a minute, which felt like years for the Roller Blading Dykes, the leader of the Men of Machismo ejaculated.  The ejaculation had such a velocity and force behind it that it went sailing up to the girl’s head, which made her skull explode into hundreds of pieces. The girl’s looked at the headless corpse of their ally in shock as they were covered in her blood, guts and fragments of her brain. The Men of Machismo laughed hysterically at the sight. The leader looked at the girls and playfully shrugged his shoulders. He then looked down at the corpse he was still inside of and smacked its ass.

“It looks like I really did screw your brains out.” said the leader. He followed this up with a hysterical giggle.

The remaining Roller Blading Dykes felt their blood boil. The anger was building up at such in aggressive state that it felt as if there was an earthquake happening within their heads. At the same time, the girls broke free of the grip of the Men of Machismo and snapped out of the steel cuffs, as if they were made of paper. The Men of Machismo stood looking at the girls in a state of frozen shock. The leader responded by struggling to pull up his jeans and underwear.

While the leader was dressing himself, the girls grabbed three of the Men of Machismo and tossed them in the air towards the leader. One of them went directly into the leader’s groin, which sent him down to the ground crying in pain.

The girls grabbed the fourth Man of Machismo and looked into each other’s eyes with a look of gloom and dismay.

“We can do this” said Pam. “We knew to be prepared for such vile moments as this.”

Bailey groaned in reply.

They pulled the guy’s camouflage pants down and proceeded to jerk him off with their skates. Their grip and motion had all the characteristics of a kung fu master’s flow. The guy was lost in a realm of pleasure and joy. He felt like a child who had found all of the Easter eggs in a backyard surrounded by sad children.

As the Men of Machismo got up and began to charge at the girls, the guy whom the girls were pleasuring began to ejaculate. Due to the girls’ friction of their powerful legs and skates, his cum shots were large and powerful and equivalent to the blast of a shotgun shell.

The first load hit the guy on the left in the throat. The man looked down at the hole and as he died, attempting to plug it up with his hands. The choking and gargling sounds he made while dying were painful to hear.

The second Man of Machismo towards the right was hit right in the forehead. Blood poured down his face and gave him a crimson mask as he fell to his knees. He then face planted and never was to move again.

The Man of Machismo in the middle looked over at each of his two comrades as they died. It stopped him in his tracks. Judging by the shock, it was hard to tell if he even realized the cum shot that ripped through his right eye socket. With how instant the kill shot was, it was safe to say he never realized what was happening.

The girls grinned as they looked at the guy that they used as a shotgun. He was so dazed from the loss of cum he had just experienced that he was within a trance, as if he was just shot with a gun full of tranquilizers and was somehow still standing. Pam and Bailey began to spin until a gust of wind propelled from the two of them. Pam brought out a high kick as Bailey brought out a low kick. The move was known within the wrestling community as Total Elimination and it severed the Man of Machismo into two pieces of flesh. The girls looked at his torso and saw the drunken stupor grin on his dead face.

“Fucking men” said Bailey shaking her head.

“They’ll die for the ultimate orgasm” added Pam.

The girls looked over at the leader of the Men of Machismo who was still struggling to pull up his pants. Once he felt the eyes burning into his skull, he turned towards the two girls with a look of defeat. He seemed to beg for forgiveness with his weak eyes.

“What should we do with him?” asked Bailey.

“Hmm, I think I have an idea.”











































The mayor sat at his desk eating what was known as a Belly Buster Sandwich. Once he felt the belly busting kicking in, the mayor unbuckled his belt and threw it across the room.  Once the mayor returned to the sandwich, Max came in.

Max looked pale white, as if he had just been finger banged by a ghost.

“Uhm sir, the leader of the Men of Machismo is here…”

The mayor was concentrating on his sandwich and didn’t appear to notice the horror on Max’s face.

“So those fucking dykes are all gone?” said the mayor with a mouthful, spraying food all over his desk.

“Uhh they killed one sir.”

“So he kept the other two alive? What does he plan to do with them?”

“Uhh they got away sir.”

The mayor looked up from his sandwich.

“You bring that piece of fucking shit in right now!”

Max did as requested. In a few seconds the leader of the Men of Machismo stepped in. Once the mayor saw him he screamed while dropping his sandwich. He then vomited all over his desk.

The leader of the Men of Machismo had two pieces of blonde hair glued to his crew cut, the blonde hair was done in pig tails. In his hands were bloodied pom poms, the blood came from his hands since nails were stabbed through the pom poms and into his hands to secure them.  On his chest was a tattoo that said BOY TOY. Since he was nude, it was also visbable that the leader no longer had genitalia and was now sewn up to resemble a Ken doll.



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