Some of the first books I ever read were the Goosebumps books so what better way to honor RL Stine than by writing a story that if he were to read it, it’d probably ruin his day? This story combines things I written about countless times, sexualizing something incredibly weird to get horny over and the topic of how boring and watered down porn has gotten over the years, especially since HD in porno somehow became a thing.
My Goosebumps fetish has taken over my life.
Yes, you heard me. I have a Goosebumps fetish.
I suppose it all started when I was just a middle schooler and learning about auto-manipulating myself. I was jerking off to busty blonde lesbians who were wrapped up to look like mummies. For whatever reason, this was some of my earliest experiences with porn. I suppose you can credit the internet for being such a weird place that gives birth to more fetishes than the alleyway behind a porn shop.
As I was masturbating to these mummified dykes, I recalled being a child and spending most of my summers reading the Goosebumps books. One of the books I recalled quite fondly was The Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb. As I recalled the joy and satisfaction I felt reading Goosebumps, my boner perked up even more than it already had.
Before I knew it, I was ejaculating.
What makes this story all the more insane is that my seed was green. It was green because I was eating a brand of candy that had been called off the shelves for excessive green food coloring. I looked at my seed and recalled the Monster Blood books in the Goosebumps series. I wondered if I ate and digested my own seed, would I become some sort of mutated creature straight from the pages of Goosebumps?
…….well, if you’re wondering I didn’t eat the first ejaculation I ever had and even if I did I wouldn’t tell you because honestly what business is it of yours?
As the weeks went on I attempted masturbating to the typical everyday porn one would find on the internet such as amateur videos, lesbian videos, creampie videos and overweight nerdy chicks doing their best impression of Harley Quinn while giving a man a footjob videos.
All of it did absolutely nothing for me.
At first, I wondered if I was a homosexual so I began to experiment. I went to all of the gay sites and masturbated with a finger inserted inside of my asshole and a pair of dirty jocks I had stolen from a local gym on my head.
Once again, nothing.
Then, my brain recalled what got me off in the first place.
And that was how I began to come to terms with my Goosebumps fetish.
What soon followed were a series of breaking into the house of a local ventriloquist in the late hours of the night. He finally caught me as I was masturbating and using one of his dummies to fill the role of Slappy. At the time, I had the dummy hovering over me and visualized it breathing its horrible green breath into me, turning me into a dummy and making me a very sexual obedient slave. The only time I would be allowed to open my mouth was when Slappy entered his wooden cock into my mouth.
My masturbatory incidents outside of breaking and entering a man’s home were fairly innocent. Sometimes, I would sit in the basement with all of the lights off and imagine evil plants were choking me and jerking me off at the same time like a BDSM version of the classic Goosebumps title Stay Out of the Basement. A few times, I would make out with the lawn gnomes that decorated the yards of nearby neighbors and put a gag ball in my mouth while destroying the yards of the neighborhood, imagining that the gnomes had instructed me to and turned me into one of their own like in Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes.
I recall giving myself what is known as “the shocker” and imagining that the giant praying mantis from A Shocker on Shock Street was going to come and slice my head while I was doing such an embarrassing act.
In the winter time, I would always make a snowman and pretend it was the one from Beware the Snowman as I fucked it. When I did this, I would always hope that The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena would come up from behind me and fuck my little ass just as I was about to cum.
One month I started a collection of shrunken heads and fucked them in the mouth as I read How I Got My Shrunken Head.
But alas, my middle school masturbatory journey came to a sudden halt one morning when my mom came into the kitchen and fount me fucking a carton of eggs as I listened to the audiobook version of Egg Monsters from Mars.
I was placed inside of a mental institution but luckily, the head doctor of the mental institution did not believe that my Goosebumps fetish was all that horrible. He compared it to how people would react to homosexuality in the 1940s. Perhaps at the current moment people found it a bit odd but fifty years from now it would be seen as common and nothing to even bat an eye at.
Instead of conforming to society’s norms, my doctor wanted to be ahead of the curve.
Being that his word was the say of the mental institution, my doctor took me out of the godforsaken hellhole and fixed up an abandoned theme park for me to live in and to have all of the masturbatory fantasies I wanted that related to the Goosebumps classic, One Day at Horrorland. For months on end I would masturbate in a casket that was going down a river.
It was actually at Horrorland that I lost my virginity.
I was in the park one day alone when a nude busty woman painted bright green with yellow eye contacts and horns glued to her head walked into the park.
I was scared and aroused all at the same time.
We fucked while on an unsafe rollercoaster and it has become the orgasm that I will spend the rest of my days continuously chasing like a junkie.
For the rest of my stay we fucked and she gave me Goosebumps on every inch of my urethra.
After I was let out and “rehabilitated”, my doctor put me in touch with a page online that was like a Craigslist page for people with a Goosebumps fetish.
I cannot begin to describe the wonderful times I have spent nude on camp sites reenacting scenes from The Horror at Camp Jellyjam, The Curse of Cold Camp Lake and Welcome to Camp Nightmare. I’ve flown to London and spent a night in an old castle participating a porno parody version of A Night in Terror Tower. I’ve met strangers in abandoned houses who played the role of “it” in It Came from Beneath the Sink.
I even met The Barking Ghost with the help of a jar of peanut butter.
My Goosebumps fetish was the best thing to ever happen to me.
As a reader I never took the warning to beware, but I always got off on the scare.