The creampie category is a strange one. Apparently a large number of people are aroused by the image of a guy ejaculating inside of a girl. What about someone’s life coming to a screeching halt and descent for 18 years is hot and sexy?
A different kind of creampie
I’ll be honest, most of the time I cannot orgasm if I fuck a girl without a condom because of how terrified I am of getting the girl knocked up and being stuck with a one night fingerbang forever. Few years ago I was fucking someone regularly without a condom and was ejaculating by the quart but she was a blonde with a body that drained me in the best way imaginable.
It’s been a downward spiral ever since.
I fucked a girl recently and instead of being able to orgasm with her I came home and jerked off over my toilet. Fuck that, I’m not taking the chance of making a baby with someone who thinks Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates is a great comedy. It takes everything in me to not say to her BITCH HAVE YOU EVER FUCKING SEEN ANNIE HALL? I know, the director picked up his future bride at the orphanage but fuck off that movie is funny, what do I care that Woody Allen doesn’t know the difference between children and a Tickle Me Elmo doll?
There’s a line in Annie Hall where Diane Keaton says she’s using black soap for her complexion and Woody Allen says.
“What? Are you doing a minstrel show?”
So yeah, I can’t be coming inside of girls who think Zac Efron is funny.
And boy did that fucking cunt put me through the goddamn ringer last night. I’m chillin watching my Collector’s Edition Blu-Ray copy of Tales From The Hood for the first time and she begins talking about “our relationship”. We fucked once and she seemed to lose interest in me ever since so it was bizarre that she was going all The Feeling That We Once Had like the aunt from The Wiz when it appears like I auditioned in her bed and didn’t make the cut.
When mother fuckers try to bring you bad news
So this fucking whoar (trying to say whore like Ralph Cifaretto on The Sopranos) is wondering if I’m unhappy because perhaps this isn’t the relationship I want, maybe I would like something more is what I assume she’s hinting at. I say that no, I’m pretty happy with it and anything that involves cuddling up with her is what I need and want. Really buttering her up so I can slip out of this uncomfortable conversation but then she replies with…
“Yeah but this means I date other people.”
Almost feels like she’s backing me up in a corner with this offer of “Look, make me your girlfriend or I’m gonna go tour Richmond with my pussy and you’ll be licking up everybody’s cum the next time you eat me out.”
Alright, a little extreme but it seemed like she was targeting whatever jealousy I may have with the notion of “Well, you’ll be sitting home all alone and I’ll be having fun with other guys.”
Feeling even more uncomfortable I say how I guess I could date other people as well but I doubt anybody is interested.
Totally true, I go on Tinder here and there and I think I’d have to become a rapist to ever get laid in this town again. But don’t worry reader, I don’t have it in me to go to bars and be all like
YOU’RE GETTING DA PUDDIN POP!
Her reply to this was “I thought you didn’t like dating.” Which is somewhat true but I’ve fucking told 50 First Dates over here that I wouldn’t mind taking her to the movies or out to eat. I question the good cop bad cop interrogation and she eases up. I use this opportunity to comment on how weird it is she’s using the word relationship given that we fucked once and I would gladly do it again.
…..this is when she reveals she is….(RUSSO SWERVE BRO!) dating someone.
Luckily as said previously I was watching Tales From The Hood so there was no way I could be mad. My reply was “Eh, makes sense.” I haven’t known this girl for long but I’m beginning to feel like she digs…I don’t know what to call it, love triangles? Multiple dudes competing for her?
….attention whore I guess is the best term.
She then proceeds to say she selfishly wants me to be her friend. So if you’re keeping up this conversation began with what felt like being pressured into entering a mediocre relationship and then by the end I’m friend zoned.
Currently asking myself how did I get here?
One of my closest friends, one of the very few females I’m not related to who I’m thankful to know and over their presence told me I need to start watching John Cusack films from the 80s. Well Megan if you’re reading this and I assume you are since you’re the only person who actually reads the bullshit I write……
MY GODDAMN LIFE IS A FUCKING JOHN CUSACK MOVIE!
Well kinda, I would never stand outside this cunt’s bedroom window with a fucking boombox.
Maybe this girl has her reasons for doing bizarre shit like this. It’s a shame she’ll never read this (hopefully not) and then go on to write her own version of the story like a blog version of Don’t You Want Me by The Human League. There’s two sides to every story and she’s not THAT bad of a person…….
Doing my best to end this on a high note just in case she ever sees this but it’s unlikely.
So….if you think this is about you, totally not. I actually had a conversation with another girl who said the same stuff you did and I replied the exact same way. Weird right?
I had a crush on her for some years now and stuck my dick inside her, it was a great time.
……o right this is a Clips To Whack Off To article. Forgot I was using this platform to bare my soul without the mystery lover reading it.
So yeah this fucking clip, really weird stuff. The girl rides his cock and makes him jizz inside of her and she proceeds to laugh hysterically while talking about the baby they’ll be having and how her and her father, his boss can paint the nursery.
Watching that was like watching The Shining for the very first time all over again, horrifying. I’ll probably have nightmares about knocking a girl up and wake up in a cold sweat from the image of a girl laughing after she made me fill up her teacup.
….her teacunt hehe.
Overall is this a clip to whack off to? Sure.
For a skinny bitch she’s got some pretty decent sized tits.