Noah Cyrus: The New Bubblegum Pop Basic Bitch Gone Bad

The world of generic bubblegum pop is currently going through a sudden upheaval. Miley Cyrus has completely abandoned her persona of the girl obsessed with weed, twerking and anything else she can take from black culture and put through her Elvis filter for her fans. Now she says she is done with weed and only surrounds herself with hard working people who apparently don’t smoke any weed.

Pretty douchy but keep in mind if all you knew was the entertainment industry and your father was the guy known for only one song with line dancing, you’d be an asshole too.

Her new song Malibu is being marketed as a song about Miley finding discovering her happy place. What this song wants you to believe is Miley’s acting out over the last few years was a dark time for her and now she’s herself again. This is the current persona until she finds another character to become for two to three years. This is nothing new in the pop world, people like Madonna all the time go through persona changes like a professional wrestler looking for a new way to get the crowd interested in them.

Someone who has been seen as taking Miley’s “Basic Bitch Gone Wild” spot is Katy Perry. It seems as soon as Miley Cyrus was ditching her bleached blonde short trimmed haircut, Katy Perry was using the same one for her new persona. Just like Miley, Katy Perry is including black performers into her brand as a way to give the illusion that her bubblegum pop has any flavor. The cover for the single Bon Appetit has three black hands reaching for a platter of fruit with an image of her head floating over it.

Maybe giving consumers the illusion that Katy Perry has jungle fever will lead to increased album sales.

One look at her Spotify avatar and it’s clear she’s also giving consumers the illusion that she is also down with drugs given that the picture is her covering her eyes with her hands and an eyeball emerging from her mouth, hitting people over the head with the idea that Katy’s third eye is open.

She has a single titled Swish Swish that is allegedly a diss towards Taylor Swift but also gives consumers the illusion that Katy Perry is a badass who has no time for haters.

With how much work she’s putting into this bad girl persona, in three to four years she might return to Christian rock to balance it all out.

And now after the release of Stay Together, Miley’s own sister Noah Cyrus is being seen as someone who perhaps will be filling her position as the girl whiter than snow that has a bad streak. I’ve read that the song was penned by someone who has collaborated with The Chainsmokers, which explains the generic style of The Chainsmokers in this song which is someone who is a party animal and doesn’t give a fuck what anybody thinks but once the party is over is a softy who wants to go home with somebody.

It’s easy to shit on The Chainsmokers but I will say it’s impressive how many different ways they’ve written about two overly privileged white kids who think the worst thing that can happen to a human being is running out of Grey Goose vodka and not getting laid on a Saturday night.

Until today I had never heard any of Noah Cyrus’s “music” or “work”, only about how shocked people were by her cursing in Stay Together and the way it seemed she was gearing up to take her sister’s spot since Miley once again is a goody two shoes. The first thing I listened to is Make Me (Cry), a breakup song more generic and sappy than a straight to DVD Nicholas Sparks film. The only thing more appalling than this song is the music video, where we watch as Noah Cyrus attempts to act and it’s cringeworthy how the camera is on her for three seconds and yet within that time while failing at pretending to be someone fed up with not getting enough attention, she shows how awful she is at acting.

This look of confusion appears throughout the video

Make Me (Cry) is a song I can understand a middle schooler listening to and enjoying because it’s got the voice of a moody hormonal child complaining about how love should be. If you’re a legal adult listens to this, I feel you belong in a mental institution.

Just looking at Noah Cyrus makes me physically sick. She looks like a mannequin created in some kind of dystopian billion dollar factory that has been programmed to do everything that brought executives piles of money when Miley Cyrus was being bad.

She is currently about to release an album titled NC-17, referencing her name and age, also the rating that will keep a film from playing in most movie theaters.

This kind of album title is only something that can be seen as clever in the mind of someone smoking as much weed and salvia as Miley Cyrus once was.

Noah Cyrus is another spoke on the wheel for the bubblegum music industry and someone who I feel will last as time goes on only because she’s related to Miley Cyrus who has for some unknown reason been able to make a name for herself.

Perhaps one day everyone will put on the They Live glasses, but I don’t see the factory line of bubblegum pop and the vanilla pop star who is now underground and edgy to high schoolers who sit at the popular table and live in suburban heaven ever coming to an end.


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