If you follow these simple tips, you’ll be making a ton of cash from writing in no time!
- Be a middle aged white woman/ in your early twenties or early thirties but have the personality of a white woman who doesn’t get her period anymore and thinks the Minions are the most adorable and funniest things she’s ever seen.
- This one is multiple choice.
The first option is to write humorous essays regarding your observations about life. Sure I know what you’re thinking….”How can I write humor? I laugh at Ellen and Rebel Wilson films.” As long as you act white, female and middle aged, it won’t matter. There’s a big audience for middle aged white women who don’t exactly know what humor is but right is. If you do go this path, make sure the cover to your book is you drinking a glass of wine, your eyes bugged out as you look at the camera like “Uh oh, I might start giggling more than I usually do.
The second option is to write romantic erotica, BUT NOTHING TOO SEXY! It must have the appearance that the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done is had someone spank your buttocks or gently grip your neck while they penetrated you ooooo so naughty!!! Be sure to use one of the Twilight books as a guideline to how generic and simple the language should be.
The third option is to be a mystery writer. Typically the go to for mystery writers is to watch an episode of Murder She Wrote, or use the one their grandmother watched while slowly passing away in front of the television since it has a lot of sentimentality to it. How do I stretch out a 22 minute show into 300-400 pages. Ramble incoherently and never worry about how it’s just gibberish. If Paula Hawkins worried about gibberish and rambling incoherently would Girl On The Train ever been written? Absolutely not!
- Send your very rough draft to a publisher and watch as the money rolls in!!!