Rita was sitting with her family celebrating Mother’s Day.
Most of the family was currently gathered around the table reminiscent of a family on a black and white show from the 1950s. Everybody in the family was as white as could be and the definition of quintessential suburbia.
The house they lived in was as big and perfect as everyone else that lived on their block.
Their garden in the front yard was like something that could be in any magazine at the checkout aisle in the grocery store.
Rita was currently smiling and pretending that everything was ok, but she could only play her role for so long.
Even Daniel Day Lewis dropped method acting at some point.
For a woman who got married and truly was stupid enough to believe that suburbia would be her happily ever after and realized that it was anything but a conclusion in a Disney film filled with singing birds flying in the air, the acting never ended.
Rita’s children Laura and Justin were currently glued to their cell phones constantly updating their feeds on Facebook and Twitter forever distracted by everybody else’s life or avoiding human interaction at all costs.
Rita’s father Luigi was visiting from the retirement center he lived at to spend time with the family. Rita didn’t expect her father to be around much longer. He was completely clueless to the world around him. Every now and then he would say something that didn’t go with the current conversation, but other than that he would just smile and sit in silence.
Rita’s husband Adam was currently on what he told the family was a business phone call, but judging by how he would always come back from his office with a slight erection and bright red cheeks, Rita knew better than to think what was taking place was just a work call.
Rita drained what remained in her wine glass and soon poured herself another glass filled to the top.
“Jeez mom, don’t you think that’s a lot of wine?” asked Laura, only glancing out of the corner of her eye as she continued to scroll.
“It’s fine honey, it’s my day. If I want my liver to be black and blue by the time the sun sets than it shall happen.”
Rita held her smile until the wine glass obscured it and went back to her comfortable frowning bitch face as she sipped her wine. Rita hoped her daughter was a lesbian so she would never realize that wine was the Gatorade of suburban housewives. It tended to be the only thing that got them through the day.
Then again, gay marriage was now legal and being queer was no longer the colorful outside group it had been in Rita’s youth.
Adam returned with a smile and kissed Rita on the cheek.
“And how’s your little whore of this month doing Adam?” Rita said with a smile and a little laugh.
Adam tensed up for a moment.
“My uh what?”
“O nothing darling. Just sit down and take your role of father knows best.”
Rita glared over into Adam’s eyes as she sipped her wine. Adam looked around avoiding the hateful stare and appeared uncomfortable and twitchy before looking down at his cell phone and smiling at it.
“I dropped my mayonnaise in the Nintendo 64.” Grandpa Luigi said with a smile.
Rita assumed her children were no doubt tweeting about this on some hipster page they created where they would share quotes their senile grandfather would spew at family gatherings.
Rita never looked around, but she assumed her grandfather was a meme that multiple shitposters worshipped.
Once everybody was sitting around the table, they ate the food that Rita cooked. Sure, it was Mother’s Day but nobody in the family other than Rita could cook something that wasn’t a Digiorno’s Pizza.
The family ate and looked at their phones the entire time except Rita. She didn’t feel the need to scroll through Facebook and glance at other housewives posting pictures with their shitty children smiling from ear to ear when in reality they too were being ignored by people scrolling their feeds.
Rita preferred to just sip her wine and let the buzz distract her from her horrible existence.
After dinner, Adam put his phone down and smiled.
“Alright kids, how about you go and grab what you got your mother this year.”
This was the one moment that both kids put down their cell phones and looked down at their father in confusion.
“The fuck are you talking about?” said Justin.
“Yeah dad, we thought you bought the gifts.” said Laura.
“I gave you kids a few twenties to go to the mall and get something remember?”
“We thought that was our weed allowance.” said Laura.
“Yeah,” said Justin. “For our…..anxiety.”
“Ah shit!” said Adam, lightly smacking his hand against the dinner table. “Well, I guess I’ll pick up some flowers tomorrow on my way home from work. I’m sorry honey.”
The family returned to their cell phones and there was a few moments of silence that passed over the dinner table minus the slight sound of thumbs smacking against phone screens.
“Boy I bet Claudia Cardinale had a tight wet cunt.” said Grandpa Luigi.
Rita felt anger boiling up from inside of her. Even though she was quite buzzed on her wine, she could no longer take her surroundings. She grabbed two glasses of water closest to her and threw one glass in the direction of her children and the other in the direction of Adam.
The water was aimed perfectly and fried all three of the cell phones.
“What the fuck!” cried out Adam, who was waiting on revealing photos to be messaged to him.
“No no no no no” muttered Justin as he rocked back and forth in his chair.
Laura shook like a heroin addict experiencing withdrawals as she looked at her reflection in the black screen.
“I have had it with you stupid fucking cocksuckers. You are without a doubt the worst fucking family anybody could ever imagine. God dammit what I would give to have Richard Ramirez come in here right now and kill all of you and rape me on a pile of your stupid worthless fucking corpses.”
Rita’s family sat in stunned silence, not knowing what to do.
“I was looking for a gold mine but found a closet full of ketchup covered cactuses.“ said Grandpa Luigi.
“Mom said a hurtful thing and I can’t tell the world about it.” Laura said looking down at her hands.
“No no this can’t be,” said Justin. “I could quote this and get so many likes and retweets. I could be recording this and becoming an overnight sensation.”
Rita looked at her kids and shook her head with a tear sliding down her face.
“I cannot believe I let your father cum inside of me just for you two. A fucking creampie AND FOR WHAT? The most worthless human beings in existence. O my fucking god if I could go back in time and scrape my pussy with a coat hanger, picking the lock to my freedom I would.”
Both kids were now crying and shaking.
“Oh god the likes.” said Laura.
“Everybody would love this video.” said Justin.
“Honey please just relax,” said Adam holding up his hands. “This is just the wine talking.”
“The wine isn’t the fucking reason you ruined my god damn pussy with your worthless fucking seed and now because I’m all stretched out like silly putty you’re fucking whores half my age.”
“H-honey that isn’t true…”
“O really? You just come home with glitter on your fucking forehead, reeking of some god damn awful cotton candy passion perfume that only the most basic of basic bitches would buy at Victoria’s Secret because you’re a fucking drag queen in your down time? I don’t fucking think so!”
Rita’s kids were still muttering and in tears about how popular the breakdown would be on YouTube.
“O enough of your stupid bullshit!”
Rita grabbed a glass and threw it down against the dinner table.
Without warning, she grabbed a shard of glass and got up walking towards Laura. Once she reached Laura, she grabbed her hair and pulled back, slitting her daughter’s throat with the piece of glass.
Justin sat in horror as the blood of his sister sprayed out and painted the shocked expression on his face. He watched helplessly as her head slowly fell over and smacked against the blood splattered plate in front of her.
Rita took advantage of Justin’s state of frozen horror and slit his throat open as well.
Some of Justin’s blood sprayed and hit Grandpa Luigi in the eyes.
“Woah!” cried out Grandpa Luigi. “The weatherman didn’t say nothing bout no rain!”
“RITA!” cried out Adam as he jumped from his chair and ran to wrap his arms around the corpses of his children. He held their heads against his chest as he cried, resembling Michael Clarke Duncan at the beginning of The Green Mile.
“Yes yes Adam show your emotion and how much you loved your children after they’re gone. Let them know how wonderful you thought they were since you no longer have to risk being guilted into spending time with them over fucking any girl who’ll spread her legs for an expensive cocktail at lunchtime.”
Adam continued to cry as he stood over the dinner table, holding the lifeless bodies of the children still seated in their chairs.
As he did this, Rita poured herself another glass of wine and watched over Adam as if he were a peasant.
“Yes yes Adam let it all out. Give us your Oscar worthy performance.”
As she said this, Rita pulled a gun out of her purse.
Adam looked up at her and shook his head.
“N-no please don’t kill me.”
Rita laughed and shook her head.
“Don’t worry Adam, I could never kill somebody I loved.”
Rita aimed the gun and shot Adam in the right testicle. The bullet also hit the tip of his cock. Adam looked down at the wound and began to cry out in pain.
“The way I shot you, that bullet shouldn’t bleed you out. But I am sad to say that you’ll go the rest of your pointless existence unable to ejaculate or have any kind of orgasm. You’ll experience the sensation of being horny, but you won’t be able to do anything about it. Eventually you’ll probably go crazy and kill yourself.”
After explaining this, Rita drained her wine glass and poured the remainder of the bottle into her glass.
She sat down and looked over the carnage of her husband holding his mutilated genitals in between the corpses of her two children. She looked over at Grandpa Luigi, who was still smiling from ear to ear, unaware his face was painted with the blood of his grandson.
Rita held up her wine glass and smiled back at him.
“Ya know, I’m not one to get all warm and sentimental about pointless Hallmark holidays but I must say, this is the best Mother’s Day by far.”