So now starting every Thursday, Friday or both I will be posting a story I’ve written in the past that went completely unnoticed on Kindle and NOOK and fingers fucking crossed it gets five views on here which is like overnight sensation for my failure of a writing hobby.
Alright so to please his jerkoff voters, Donald Trump may sign a Religious Liberty Executive Order on National Day of Prayer, barf. This brought to mind when he was still running for the Republican nomination and to battle Ted Cruz’s anti-LGBT stance allowed the man/woman/Swamp Thing known as Caitlyn Jenner using the woman’s bathroom in Trump Tower which inspired this bizarre story.
I wonder if anybody is going to read this, I fucking doubt it. Enjoy imaginary reader!
Caitlyn Jenner was sitting in her luxurious New York apartment bitterly sipping a cocktail with one hand and twirling her large cock with the other as if it were a cane.
She was livid that nobody was speaking her name or giving her praise and awards in honor of how brave and perfect she was. Not even the Hillary Clinton supporters who would suck the shit from her ass even though her political stance was the complete opposite of their own weren’t tweeting about how perfect and flawless her bravery was.
“Those millennial faggots are probably drooling over that cunt Kim and whatever nude selfie she’s posted with whatever filter she uses to hide whatever damage North West has caused to her body. I know god damn well it isn’t the temple that Reggie Bush would cum inside of back in 2005.”
After downing her cocktail, Caitlyn walked over to her bar as she continued to twirl her cock, simulating the propeller of a helicopter. As she did, she thought about how she could once again get overly sensitive pussies who spent all hours of the day being triggered on Tumblr to preach her name like the savior she knew she was.
It wasn’t long before an idea crossed her mind. Once it did, a sinister grin spread across her face. She resembled The Grinch once he came up with a cruel plan to terrorize the citizens of Whoville.
“I’ll go into Trump Tower and piss in the women’s bathroom! It’s perfect! Donald Trump is the most talked about presidential candidate and everybody is currently riled up about transsexuals pissing in public bathrooms. Everybody will be talking about what I did with my cock inside of Trump Tower!”
The endorphins flowing through Caitlyn Jenner’s body were overwhelming. She felt like she could fly up into the heavens and punch God in the face.
Caitlyn grabbed her cell phone and informed Donald Trump would she planned on doing.
“That’s great Caitlyn, that’s beautiful. As long as you record it and get us both some press coverage I don’t care. Hell, whip your cock out and let out a money shot on a photo of Ted Cruz for all I care. As long as you get some big and huge headlines.”
After getting off the phone with Donald, Caitlyn Jenner drank a large bottle of water like she was a frat boy chugging cheap beer before raping a sorority freshman and made her way out of the apartment.
Once she was downstairs and outside, she snapped her fingers and a limousine showed. Inside were Caitlyn’s two female assistants awaiting their queen to step inside.
At one time they too were men and decided to transition along with Caitlyn to show their allegiance to her.
“You’re so brave Ms. Jenner!” said Assistant One.
“You have a pair of tits and a cock, you’re Chris Kyle with makeup!” said Assistant Two.
Caitlyn was delighted to hear that both assistants had memorized the new quotes that she had emailed them and demand to hear as their greeting for this week.
“I know assistants. I got a great idea, I’ll need you two to film what we’re about to do and upload it onto every social media platform.”
“As you wish Ms. Jenner.” both assistants said at the exact same time.
As the limo drove over towards Trump Tower, the number of hits on YouTube, the number of views on Facebook and the number of retweets on Twitter played in Caitlyn’s head.
Caitlyn was foaming at the mouth thinking about how many people would have her name on the tip of their tongue by the end of the night.
Every public gathering this Saturday night would no doubt consist of everybody asking if they saw the video that Caitlyn Jenner uploaded onto the internet earlier.
Caitlyn Jenner thought about the political disagreements that would take place at every party, ruining everybody’s good time and got a little hard.
“Maybe after this, Donald would even consider me as his vice president. I’ll be not only the first female vice president but the first transsexual vice president. Nobody will remember the name of that stupid cunt Hillary Clinton after I make history. O how I wish I could take her down with a cumshot like Lee Harvey Oswald took down JFK every time that pathetic cunt takes press away from me. What the fuck does she know about changing history?”
Caitlyn Jenner spent the remainder of the limo ride fuming about Hillary Clinton, Kim Kardashian and everybody else who was a top trend on the internet when she wasn’t.
Finally, the limo pulled up in front of Trump Tower.
Caitlyn got out and was pumped with so much adrenaline once she saw a few people in front of the building, no doubt having heard she would be making an appearance. She also felt giddy when she felt her assistant’s phone on and shooting the beginning of the video.
She just knew the numbers for this video would shatter whatever bullshit numbers any celebrity gained doing the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.
“Hey! Isn’t that Sarah Jessica Parker?” said someone who noticed Caitlyn stepping out of the limo.
Caitlyn smiled and shook her head. It was common for her to be mistaken for the actress.
Caitlyn looked into the camera phone of her assistant and was ready to go.
“Well here I am at Trump Tower with a bladder full of piss. I think this is just where I’m gonna let it go.”
The second assistant was running up the stairs of Trump Tower and was waiting inside ready to shoot the second half of Caitlyn Jenner’s video once she made her way inside.
Caitlyn walked inside and played to the second camera. She saw there was a group of people who worked for Trump Tower awaiting her presence.
“Where’s the ladies restroom? This gal has got to whip out her big pecker and let out a yellow brick road.”
One of the Trump Tower employees paused and smiled at the camera as she pointed in the direction of the main floor bathrooms. Caitlyn Jenner thanked her for her help.
Caitlyn Jenner made her way over to where the bathrooms were located and pretended to make her way to the men’s bathroom. She then looked at the camera and shook her head.
“Not after getting this silicone in my chest! Sorry North Carolina.”
Caitlyn Jenner made her way into the women’s restroom and let out a sigh of relief as the door closed, signaling that the first half of the video had concluded and would be on hold until she made her exit.
Before using the restroom, Caitlyn Jenner checked her reflection in the mirror and was happy to see that her look was absolutely perfect.
Well, what a sixty six year old woman who had just become a woman a little over a year ago considered to be a perfect female look.
“Oh my god Caitlyn you are nailing this sweetie!” Caitlyn said to her own reflection. “No doubt you’ll be the talk of the world in only a couple of hours.”
Caitlyn Jenner was about to go in one of the bathroom stalls when one of the doors to the stalls was kicked open and a woman who appeared as hideous and feminine as Doris in Shrek stepped out.
Caitlyn Jenner admired this because Doris’ style in Shrek was where she copied her style from.
But Caitlyn was quite shocked once she looked past the wig and the makeup and recognized who was currently in the drag outfit.
The drag queen before her indeed was the man currently in the lead for the Republican nomination.
Donald Trump shook his head in reply.
“Call me Donella.”
“Ok um Donella, what exactly are you doing here?”
“I’ll tell you what I’m doing here….”
That was when Donella dropped to her knees and began crawling towards Caitlyn. Once Donella was close enough, she began kissing her way up the leg of Caitlyn Jenner and wrapped her arms around Caitlyn’s leg and then began gently kissing the bulge in her dress.
“I want you to piss all over me Caitlyn.”
Caitlyn was more shocked than she had even been in her entire life, more than when she realized she was a woman trapped in a man’s body.
“I know you gotta piss, and I want you to piss all over me and fuck my little throat!”
Caitlyn Jenner always had a thing for water sports.
Before wasting any more time, Caitlyn pulled her cock out and began covering Donella in a golden shower.
“O it’s perfect!” said Donella as she gargled Caitlyn Jenner’s piss like it was mouthwash. “This is the exact feeling Gene Kelly sang and danced about!”
After Caitlyn drained her lizard, Donella opened her piss covered eyes and began to swallow Caitlyn Jenner’s cock whole.
“O it tastes better than how great I’m gonna make America!” cried out Donella.
Donella sucked Caitlyn Jenner’s cock for a few minutes before hiking her skirt up, exposing her hairy asshole.
“Fill my little pink asshole just like I’m gonna fill the border up with a big wall please Caitlyn?”
Caitlyn responded by spitting and lubing up her cock with it, just before inserting every inch of her into Donella.
“O I love the way you smack your balls against my wittle booty!”
Caitlyn, remembering the assistant waiting outside for her, pounded Donella’s ass in record timing and shot a load inside of her.
Donella looked at the reflection of the cum dripping out of her ass in the bathroom mirror immediately after Caitlyn pulled out and smiled.
“O it’s beautiful, just perfect!” said Donella, slowly losing her feminine accent and going back to the traditional voice of Donald Trump.
Caitlyn Jenner pulled up her panties and checked her appearance to make sure she didn’t look like she just had rough anal sex with a presidential candidate and walked out of the bathroom.
After doing so, she looked into the assistant’s phone and smiled.
“Thanks for letting me use you as a…I mean using your five star bathroom in Trump Tower Donald. O, and Ted Cruz trust me, nobody was raped or molested.”
Only Caitlyn Jenner would understand the smile she gave to the camera after saying this.
Once she stepped out of Trump Tower, Caitlyn Jenner was greeted by Lena Dunham and Cameron Esposito who bowed down before Caitlyn Jenner and kissed her high heels.
“You’ll always be perfect to us Caitlyn.” said Lena.
“Yeah, you have tits and a cock so nobody can ever make a joke at your expense.” said Cameron.
Caitlyn Jenner got into her limousine with her assistants and drove away. On the way back home, she watched the video over and over feeling as if the video made Citizen Kane look like a cheap film that Ed Wood had made and was far too embarrassed to show to the outside world.
Caitlyn Jenner spent the rest of the night reading the comments section of the video as she patted herself on the back.
She wished she had a rib removed so that she could push her narcissism up a notch and suck her own cock literally and not just metaphorically.