Clips To Whack Off To: May The 4th Edition

Alright……it’s currently five in the morning and I’m up and have been for a couple of hours now. Not because I want to, but because my upstairs neighbors were as usual being noisy as fuck. Dogs barking, shit dropping. Not sure but I think the guy who lives above me lost his daughter over the course of the night. She was a bit of a retard. Morbidly obese and started doing meth. Thankfully for the people who may or may not be carrying her casket in a few days, crystal meth helped her lose 100 pounds.

But I ain’t one to gossip so you didn’t hear that from me. (Kim Wayans, TAKE IT FROM ME IT’S AIGHT TO BE……..IN LIVIN COLOR!)

So, being that we’re dwelling into a weird cosplaying category of pornography we’re going to have to go to xhamster.com to find anything that isn’t cheap animated porn, although if you’re a special kind of Star Wars fan and single, I assume that low quality animated porn is all you stroke your cock or shove a vibrator up your vagina to.

SIDE NOTE: xhamster.com is the top place for weird cosplaying porn. If you’re one of those freaks into Harley Quinn porn, you’ll be happy to know there’s an endless supply of those videos that feature things such as a girl in the Animated Series style costume giving a footjob and a morbidly obese girl naked in her kitchen with Harley Quinn makeup baking. When it comes to xhamster.com……..you will never find a more wretched hive of filth and perversion.

The first video I’ll be watching is called Star War Girl Play which features a girl who is very attractive (so you know she doesn’t give a flying fuck about Star Wars) doing random Star Wars related shit during a cam show. Apparently she’s aware that the kind of guys who’ll drop money on a cam show are the sad lonely nerds who’ll be excited to see a blonde dance topless with a Darth Vader mask on. Not only does she dance topless with a Darth Vader mask on, but she begins shoving a lightsaber up her vagina AND ASS with the mask on saying to the camera “Luke……I am your father.”

  1. Is there some three hundred pound guy who saw Empire Strikes Back opening night who always smells like expired cheese whiz who is this girl’s main income? I feel like the answer is yes.
  2. I assume this girl is now chained up in George Lucas’s basement as his slave in order to pay back her copyright infringement violation.

 

The next video we come to (tehe) is called Star Wars Foot Worship. One girl is dressed like Princess Leia and another is……well dressed like a random Jedi bitch I guess. They lay on a bed and lick and suck on each other’s feet. Not much else to say about this and probably not your cup of tea unless you got the Quentin Tarantino fetish going on.

 

The third video I’ll be glancing at is Star Wars Chic Fucks Yoda. In this one a very thick and curvy girl with Princess Leia hair (surprisingly more of a go to than Slave Leia attire) is naked with a just a white belt around her torso…………..aaaaaand she’s fucking a Yoda doll that has a strap on dildo attached to it as Fade To Black by The Rolling Stones and Feel Good Inc. by The Gorillaz play in the background.

I should mention that this video is footage from a cam show so this not only has an audience but a paying one.

Once again, I have to wonder if Disney and Lucas Studios are aware of cam girls using their products to make money off of horny nerds who have a fetish for pop culture. Towards the end she fucks to a few scores from the Star Wars films just to make sure she cums all over the career of John Williams as well.

The final video I’ll be checking out is called Star Wars Loving Chick Takes A Taxi Drivers Cock Inside Her. This one is a fake taxi video where a woman is dressed as what looks like a furry that can be believed as a character from the Star Wars universe if you stretch your imagination far enough. One would think this might be to avoid a lawsuit, but then the driver with a long hard dick jumps into the backseat with a Stormtrooper’s mask on.

Meh, still less offensive to the Star Wars Universe than The Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones.

And so those are the main videos I can find that aren’t just low quality animation made by some pervert who took a course on animation in his first semester at community college or a girl looking mildly interested as she jerks off her boyfriend with Princess Leia buns, no doubt asking herself why she ever agreed to do the video in the first place.

If you’re going to watch video, it’s gotta be Star Wars Chic Fucks Yoda. It’s unlike anything you’ve seen before and who knows? Perhaps you’ll be fucked up enough, experiencing a temporary mental breakdown or like me…..a combination with some sleep deprivation that’ll allow you to pleasure yourself to such a freakshow.

Have fun giving your cock the ol Darth Vader choke drip or penetrating your vagina with a lightsaber and coming so hard you make the face Han Solo made when Kylo Ren killed him!

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