Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing and Nook Press: My Personal Experience With The Heavy Thumbed Limp Dick Cocksucking Bitch Ass Cunts of Self-Publishing

I am currently banned from self-publishing on Amazon Kindle Publishing and now Nook Press.

Yes, something as DIY and independent as self-publishing is filled with more rules than a job that requires you to sit in a suit and try not to splatter your brains all over the cubicle wall for eight hours a day.

My disappointment with self-publishing began with Amazon Kindle Publishing at the end of 2014 and came to a conclusion around October 2016. The big issue with them was that I was using photos of celebrities for my stories such as Adam Sandler Is A Jew Cunt and How To Kill Kim Kardashian. This apparently was an unforgivable mistake and I have ever seen been banishing from Amazon Kindle Publishing.

Not a loss. What little money I received from this venture as through erotica or humorous reviews about porn that I assume was only purchase because of the screenshots I used from said pornography. That surprisingly was never an issue as long as nipples, cunthairs and brown holes were never exposed in the cover……….although they did ban the covers that showed say a man’s erection pitching a tent in a pair of swim trunks.

Before moving onto Nook Press, I published a few things on Smashwords. Jesus Assfisting Christ what a fucking piece of shit website.

In order to publish a story it’s gotta be Microsoft Word 97-03 format, a fucking cover with the title and author’s name on it where the height and width is at least 1400 pixels BUT the height must be greater than the width, gotta include some bullshit description saying this was published through Smashwords, etc. Probably forgetting some other part of the ridiculous complicated process that was needed to publish fucking ridiculous stories such as The Horny Nun or The Feminazis but you get the fucking idea.

Surprisingly I was never banned from there but I don’t think I spent enough time to get banned.

I then moved onto Nook Press within a couple of months and was told I could no longer publish through them. Why? Not sure. I just got an automated message that said that the business relationship has been terminated.

Good riddance. Can’t wait to laugh at you Barnes and Noble when you file for bankruptcy three weeks from now. Say hi to Borders for me.

Which brings me here with a blog that has been so far way more creatively fulfilling. Will this ever lead to me making a single cocksucking penny? Probably not but if you wanna make the big bucks with a writing career just scribble some erotica down and I’m sure a lonely horny housewife will give you a buck. Another tip to making big bucks from writing….be as uncreative, boring and bland as physically possible so that you can appeal to a very large boring group of people.

And if you think I’m just being bitter, go to your nearest bookstore and thumb through The Girl On The Train. It’s like a girl who’s having a mental breakdown about not getting periods anymore wrote a Goosebumps book.

I love my blog, but who knows how long this lasts before I do something that pisses WordPress off. It’s bound to happen and you know why?

Because I’m a loner Dottie. A rebel.

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