The Zen Of Horror

Let’s face it, life is a bitch/cunt/whore that fucked all your friends.

If I were to speak at a school to a group of children, which would be going against my restraining order (JK, not Jeffery Jones) I would tell them to not be eager to grow up because what they don’t realize is how fucking boring adults are. When you’re a kid you actually believe growing up and being an adult is going to be great because you believe that you’ll always have the mind of a fun loving child.

What you don’t realize is that either you or those around you once getting hormones are going to morph into boring pathetic cunts who every decision they make is decided after asking the question “Am I going to fit in with a certain group of people if I do this?” or “Is this going to get me laid?”

And if the most watched YouTube stars have anything to teach it’s that you have to be duller than an expired scoop of vanilla ice cream to get people to like you.

One of the ways to distract yourself from the horrible simulated experience that is life (cyberpunk/ goth observation right there, yikes) is watching horror films.

When I watch Black Christmas and hear Billy muttering the word cunt half a dozen times just before he kills a bitch and puts her corpse up in the attic, I’m in my happy place.

While watching Herschell Gordon Lewis films such as Blood Feast, The Wizard of Gore and Two Thousand Maniacs, my mind is cleared and I’m ready to go out and catch the big fish as David Lynch would describe meditation.

While I’m watching Videodrome and James Woods is reaching into his stomach pussy, it’s equivalent to a therapeutic experience described in something like Zen and The Art of Archery.

I love Rob Zombie films because the cursing is to th extreme as well as the gore. Sure, some people think Rob Zombie is a hack but then again these are probably the same people who watch Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice or Fast and Furious 8 opening weekend.

So when life squats over you and shits in your face after eating a belt busting meal at White Castle, sit in an upright position with your eyes closed, clear your mind and only think about Vincent Price wielding a giant axe, decapitating a woman, rolling his eyes and saying to himself in that luxurious voice of his…..

“I’ve told you to stop losing your head darling.”

Unpaid Sponsor Time: Subscribe to Shudder, it’s like the Netflix of horror……if Netflix actually had movies you wanted to watch, so Netflix five years ago.


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